LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A recent survey by the CSIRO has confirmed that dads are the only people out there validating the existence of liquorice.
The study began when scientific communities were divided on how the aniseed confectionery continued to be manufactured and sold when most people found it to be a cruel and insipid substitute for a lolly.
In the 90 page report, the study conclusively found that a few years of decreased motivation, lower sexual satisfaction and disrupted sleep, commonly associated with fatherhood, require strong, vegetable like flavours to puncture the deflated palette of a man who is no longer really there.
Study participant Darrell Lowe stated that the bitter taste of liquorice is something that he can depend upon, unlike his Great Wall ute and visitation rights.
“I can always count on my aniseed,” Lowe said.
The results have been confirmed in a recent study conducted by market research company Roy Morgan, that found 30% of liquorice purchases were made by dad’s who were trusted to do the weekly ‘big-shop’ with the other 70% of purchases were done with the intent of gifting the liquorice to a dad.
Diving deeper into the study, it was found that 90% of liquorice found in lolly bags given out at kids parties were eaten by dad’s in the car on the way home and were often used as a gateway to better lollies such as a Clinker.
Dear Louise Burke, Culture Reporter.
One does not apostrophise a word to pluralise it.
The plural of Dad is Dads, not Dad’s.
Eeejit.