LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Earlier today, an attempt to seize the day was made by self-isolating father of two Murray Grant (39) who decided to spice things up by wearing a shirt he is too ashamed to wear to work.
The garment in question is a green and pink paisley shirt, purchased as a gift for Grant by his wife and worn to the office only once on Monday the 16th of April 2018.
“Jarred said it looked like leprechaun haemorrhoids,” stated Grant as he affixed a piece of back-up foil over his webcam.
“And this one guy said I looked like the fat gay guy from Modern Family but gayer. I don’t even remember that guys name, just his face. His stupid, laughing face.”
Until today, the allegedly shit shirt has been kept in isolation in the deepest recesses of his meagre section of the wardrobe, relegated to a status far below ‘weekend only’ shirts and possibly as low as clothes reserved for painting.
“If I couldn’t wear it for fear of being bullied by failed Jordan Belfort’s there’s no chance I was going to wear it in front of my wives dad, who for the record I’m pretty sure calls me Mary when he thinks I can’t hear him.”
Aside from sheltering himself from deadly infections, self-isolation has now kept Grant safe from toxic masculinity, an opportunity he is bravely enjoying by wearing his ‘victim’s shirt’ where no one but his immediate family can see him.
Family reviews for Grant’s shirt have so far been mixed to positive with his wife stating “it’s so nice to see him get some wear out of it” and his eldest daughter claiming “if he ever picks me up from school in that thing, I’m jumping in the nearest white panel van.”