EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT
Dan Wells had been enjoying a well-deserved rest at his nans when he was invited to a house party on the north side of town.
Armed with his granddad’s stash of cheap red wine, and not keen to stop at Woolies on the way, Dan had gone rifling through his nan’s cupboard for some courtesy party snacks.
After discovering nothing but a scotch finger tin full of sewing equipment, Dan had all but given up when he found the unopened packet of Chocolate Digestives lying behind some canned tomatoes.
“I was hoping to find some Tim Tams or Mint Slice”, Dan reveals, “but anything is better than turning up empty-handed, I suppose.”
Dan reportedly showed up to the party with a bag filled with Old Gold chocolate and unflavoured chips, when he tried to discreetly add his items to the snack table.
Hoping to escape the notice of judgemental party goers, Dan had attempted to make it look like the sour cream Grain Waves were his when an eagle-eyed guest spotted the digestives poking out from under his arm.
“Are those digestives mate?” “Did somebody actually bring those?” Dan says that the statement caused the whole room to go quiet, as guests milled around the table to see the latest offering.
The person who raised the matter, a popular rugby type named Sean, had grabbed the packet of biscuits and raised it above his head for inspection.
Expecting to get his ass handed to him for bringing along such a shit tier treat, Dan was surprised when the group of party goers clamoured to grab his chocolate-covered Hob Nob.
“Yeah I wasn’t expecting that reaction,” says Dan, puffing out his chest with his newfound popularity, “pretty sure they were off by a couple of years too.”
The rest of the night continued without further incident, and it was reported that the digestives were consumed within minutes.
Dan has since changed his stance on the offending biscuit and had these words of wisdom to offer.
“They’re like the blue-collar worker of biscuits,” says Dan, “underappreciated and undervalued, but they sure do the job.”