CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
As the Victorian capital reaches the halfway point on the first week of their month-and-a-half stage-four COVID-19 lockdown, the nihilistic conspiracy theories are once again gaining traction.
While right-wing economists are once again back to arguing for the herd immunity approach to this illness that no one knows anything about, the Russian bots are once again riling up the anti-authoritative upper-middle class who believe that any form of lockdown measures are an affront to their human rights, according to some sort of global policy handbook that they have learnt about through grainy Facebook memes in out-of-control mothers groups.
It is not yet known if any of the righteous conservatives responsible for peddling dangerous misinformation surrounding the pandemic will be held accountable in a courtroom for the lives that have been lost due to the second wave of coronavirus cases.
However, many argue that the state’s initial complacency towards the social distancing measures can be attributed to the flurry of tweets that are being rapidly deleted by the Liberal member for Kew, Tim Smith.
Joe Hildebrand, Andrew Bolt and their fellow white-ants of public policy at NewsCorp appear to have gone very quiet since the virus began killing more Victorians than every single military conflict that Australia has been involved in since Vietnam.
Despite the countless articles and social media campaigns vilifying Premier Andrews as some sort of tolitarian dictator, public opinion appears to have changed dramatically towards social distancing in the last week, as daily cases spiked over 700 on Friday.
With nearly 100% bipartisan support for mandatory masks in Victoria, the state government has still allowed sanctions for any person who is affected by a relevant medical condition, including problems with their breathing, a serious condition of the face, a disability, mental health condition or traumatic triggers that may be exacerbated by face coverings.
Unfortunately, not included in the list, is the forgotten victims of stage 4 lockdowns: Melbourne’s tradies.
“Thanks a lot Dan!” says local Gyprocker, Kai (44).
“These masks make it so hard to wolf whistle”
Kai’s foreman, Kyle (35) agrees that the entire construction industry is being oppressed by these new measures.
“We only get to see them for one hour a day and they have usually jogged past with the pram before we can get our fingers under the mask”
“I know who i’ll be voting for next election…”
“Wait.. Is it still Napthine?”
“Or is it that bloke that was having lunch with the mafia. I dunno”
“But anyone except Dan!”