IN-Focus

Barnaby Tells The National’s IT Department He Has No Idea How He Managed To Break Another iPad

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Parliament's most popular backbencher Barnaby Joyce has turned in his personal iPad to the National's IT Help Desk Kiosk in Canberra this afternoon because it's stopped working properly. Mr Joyce told the nerds behind the desk that he has no idea what happened to his Words With Friends machine but if they could get it...

Brisbane Glad To Be Inside, It’s Freezing

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Despite lockdown ending at noon today, the 2.2 million residents of the Queensland capital of Brisbane are yet to exit their homes to enjoy their newfound freedom after three days of lockdown. Known as the Brown Jewel of the East Coast, Brisbane has thus far braved the pandemic with the confidence that only comes from...

Next Generation Of “Karen” Identified As “Mia”

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report commissioned by the hospitality and retail unions has found that the next generation of Karens are known as The Mia. Karen is a pejorative term for a deep-Gen-X or shallow-Boomer woman who carries a sense of entitlement beyond the scope of what is normal. The term also refers to white women who use their privilege to...

Ageing Rock Dog Heading To Bluesfest Fears He May Have Got His Pork Pie Hat Out For Nothing

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact An ageing rock dog from our town's French Quarter is sitting tight right now in a petrol station this side of Byron Bay while the governments and powers at be figure out whether Bluesfest will go ahead. Damien Hess spoke to The Advocate via telephone today while he played with his pork pie hat....

Art Teacher Announces Retirement After Another Student Asks How To Make An NFT

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact An art teacher at the North Betoota Sports High School has decided to pack it all in and retire this week after another one of his students asked him about making an NFT. What is an NFT? NFT stands for non-fungible tokens. In simple terms, a non-fungible token is an exclusive digital asset which places...

“I Was Just Following Orders,” Says Daytime Sky News Employee At The 2056 Bundaberg Trials

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact At the conclusion of the Australian Civil War in 2055, the Bundaberg Trials were conducted in part with the cooperation between the Free Australian State, their allies and the UN International Court of Justice. The conflict, which began in 2049 when the 89-year-old West Australian President Troy Buswell ordered the extra-judicial killing of Eastern loyalists...

Removalists Ask Dutton Where He’d Like His Collection Of Dried Cats To Go In His New Office

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The former Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton is packing up his old office this afternoon as he prepares to move much further down the hall to the Defence Minister's relative shoebox. Dutton was moved out of the Home Affairs portfolio today by Prime Minister Scott Morrison, who re-jigged his Cabinet to reflect a "more modern"...

Angus Taylor Asks Youths Of Goulburn To Stop Peeling The ‘G’ Off His Electoral Office Signage

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Federal Energy Minister Angus Taylor has asked the local youths who keep peeling the 'G' off his Goulburn electoral office signage to please stop as it's costing the taxpayer and wasting police resources. Speaking to The Advocate today, Taylor said it had gotten to the point where he had to get the media involved. "I don't...

Albo Asks Journalists Politely If He Can Have One More Go At Nailing His Zinger Soundbite

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Opposition Leader had three goes at getting a zinger soundbite sounding right this morning before asking the journalists there if he could pretty please have one more go at it. Speaking today at the retirement party of Labor Member Chris Hayes, who's leaving behind a safe seat in south-west Sydney, Anthony Albanese took the...

Scotty From NIDA Goes On Ray Hadley To Learn The Proper Art Of Crocodile Tears

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister has gone on Ray Hadley's show on 2GB this morning to play some political tee-ball after a day from hell yesterday that saw Scott Morrison outed as the right-place-right-time seat-filler he has always been. Ray, who is widely listened to by women around the country, spent most of their cosy chit chat...

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