IN-Focus

Sky News Dad Says It’s Increasingly Hard To Defend Gov And Maintain Respect Of Friends And Family

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights handbag told this 'left-leaning' newspaper this morning that he's currently finding it very difficult to defend the actions of his beloved Federal Government while maintaining the respect of his family and 'so-called' friends. Mark Heaster, who despite trying his hardest, was not the breadwinner of his family. That alone is enough to...

NSW Top Cop Floats Idea Of A Signed Consent Stat Dec Witnessed By A JP Before Sexual Contact

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Friend to women and New South Wales Police Commissioner Michael "Mick" Fuller has shrugged off criticism of his sexual consent app and today floated the idea of having a statutory declaration signed by two parties in the presence of a Justice of the Peace (JP) before any sexual contact. "The JP would then stay...

Bread-Winning Wife Just Laughs When Husband Argues Against Getting Vasectomy

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A largely self-made French Quarter woman told The Advocate this afternoon that her husband was under the impression who was going to get their reproductive organs decommissioned was up for discussion. Diane Staple, the founding principal agent at Staple & Co Buyers And Estates, recounted a weekend discussion with her artist husband Martin who expressed...

Royal Family Apologist Found To Have White Dog Shit In Their Head Where A Brain Should Be

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local man who supports the monarchy in this country, and the concept in general, has discovered today that instead of a brain, he has nothing but white dog shit inside of his head. If you ask Michael Frank Pearson about this ongoing specatle with the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, he'd say that they've...

Elite Private School Boy Learns His Actions Might Actually Have Consequences After All

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact One of our town's future leaders has learned this week that perhaps he can't actually go through life and do whatever he wants, something which terrifies him. A new dawn is casting a bright glow upon Whooton School fourth-former Luke Rhose-Smith's world, he says. "If this week has taught me anything, it's that I...

Macquarie Dictionary Updates Definition Of Irony To Linda Reynolds Calling Someone A Lying Cow

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The brains behind the national word book have announced today that their definition of irony has been updated and refreshed for this year's edition. The term 'irony' in the Macquarie Dictionary will now be described as being Linda Reynolds, one of many cabinet ministers currently under siege, calling someone a lying cow. Speaking to this masthead...

Uptown Boy Explains How Country Takeaway’s Devil Wings Aren’t Even Spicy At All

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A young man who's father lets him have long hair has explained to those around him this afternoon that the devil wings he had from the French Quarter Hot Potato weren't even spicy compared to the flash international food he obviously eats all the time. Speaking from the heart, Tucker Smoothgooch said he was feeling...

Grey-Haired Sharks Wait Until Auction Is Almost Done To Blow Young Couples Out Of The Water

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A pair of grey-haired sharks from Betoota Grove, one of our town's leafiest and most exclusive enclaves, waited until a weekend auction was dying down to enter the bidding race and ultimately blowing everyone else out of the water. The modest but largely hideous blonde brick home had a reserve of $340 000 and that...

Report: Maybe You Should Have A Spoonful Of Cement And Harden The Fuck Up, Linda

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Defence Minister Linda Reynolds broke down in the Senate yesterday and asked the boss Senator if she could just fucking tap out and refuse to answer questions put to her by her peers. However, a new report into her handling of the alleged sexual assault and rape in her office has found that she...

PM: “I Need You To Take One For Team ScoMo And Resign, Linda.”

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The pair of pig-headed boomers responsible for creating and fostering an environment where their staff can be sexually assaulted have discussed their future during a phone call this morning. Scott Morrison, the marketing professional who moonlights as our Prime Minister, phoned his Defence Minister Linda Reynolds to ask her to resign to take some of...

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