IN-Focus

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A fringe Australian Test player who's been sidelined repeatedly this summer with a myriad of mild injuries has looked on today as cricketer Beth Mooney plays in the first Ashes Test today with a broken face and just four days after having it screwed back together. Last week, Mooney was hit in the jaw by...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The nation's First Lady Jenny Morrison has been tasked by happy-go-lucky husband-go-Prime Minister Scott Morrison to find out why Australian of the Year Grace Tame isn't speaking to him at the nice party he threw for her at his gaff. "Can you just go over there and see why she's not talking to me anymore?"...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A holidaying Betoota Grove native has been told to go elsewhere today after trying and failing to gain access to the Lake Betoota Surf Club while wearing a pair of Bangalow Riding Boots. The 30-year-old-full-time-stay-at-home-son-of-some-cunt explained to the Club's security that they weren't just any unclosed shoe, they were Teva's which the man said...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Critics of federal Labor's policy-light election pitch have been largely silenced today after the Opposition announced a new landmark policy today in Canberra. Opposition Leader Anthony Albanese detailed a new policy of letting the government routinely shit the bed and then blame the dog. All the while, Labor just stands to offer an alternative to the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The defacto leader of the Democratic Peoples' Republic Of Western Australia (DPRWA) has said it is a 'source of sadness' for him that people on the east coast, in particular the rich neoliberals that occupy the high ground in Sydney like pimples on a fat man's arse, like to call him un-Australian because he...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact From tomorrow, people in New South Wales will be fined $1000 if they do not immediately leave their homes and spend money to stimulate the economy. The move comes as both the state's leader, Dominic Perrottet and his federal counterpart Scott Morrison, criticise the wider Australian public for hiding from the virus and staying at...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A city worker who does something in town with a computer in exchange for money has said he's obviously suffering from long COVID as he battles his way through wave after wave of lethargy and general malaise. That is despite Roland Jones, who is entirely disposable to his employer, having seven pints of Guinness last...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Police in Sydney's airport corridor are on the hunt for suspects today after 42 000 rapid antigen tests were stolen last night from a warehouse in Mascot. In particular, police are asking the driver of a black 1968 Dodge Charger to come forward to help detectives with their inquiries into the matter. The state's Premier Dom...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Federal Treasurer Josh Frydenberg has once again resisted calls to make rapid antigen tests free for all Australians because doing so would harm the private businesses that bought them all. In a speech today to business leaders in Canberra, Mr Frydenberg explained that the government's policy of "Can Do Capitalism" is working and simply...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Going to hospital can be quite scary, especially for those who don't believe in modern medicine. So in an effort to make sure his followers get the best possible advice and care, popular television food critic Pete Evans has released his own line of signature hand-powered ventilators that his disciples can use on each other...