IN-Focus

PM: “How Good’s Turning The Bathurst 1000 Into A Personal Branding Exercise And Getting Booed Mercilessly?”

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The knockabout bloke who moonlights at the Prime Minister says he's feeling hard-done-by this morning after getting booed by fans at the Bathurst 1000 over the weekend. In what should be friendly territory for Scott Morrison, fans turned on him as he hijacked the V8 Supercar event and tried to turn what is a special...

PM: “If Only We Had A Federal Body To Prove Home Affairs Contracts My Mates Got Are All Sweet”

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister has thanked God and his angst-riddled son that it's Friday today because he's had a week from hell to cap of what's been another 12 months of sustained mediocrity and professional failures. To top it all off, Scott Morrison stands accused by his political opponents and taxpayers of giving a series of...

“Libs Need A Strong Replacement For Porter, Like His Mate’s Nephew Or Something,” Say Analysts

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Liberal Party insiders are fearing a brain drain is underway as both Christian Porter and Greg Hunt deciding in recent weeks to pull the pin at the next election and slip seamlessly back into private life. One large problem loops that of who is going to replace the former Attorney-General in his Perth seat. While the...

English Cricketer Disqualified For Ashes Selection Because He Is English

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A fringe member of the English Cricket Team has been sent home after selectors discovered that his is English. The mood in the camp is obviously quite grim at the moment, says English coach Chris Silverwood, who told The Advocate today that he was both disappointed and upset that Harry Glendale was able to slip...

POLICE STATE: Man Finds Himself On Watchlist After Buying A Simple Recipe Book From Vinnies

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local man, of the Betoota Heights division in our humble but cosmopolitan desert republic, has found himself on a federal watchlist today after purchasing a simple cookbook that provides the astute reader with a large variety of useful and quick ways to cook fish in a science oven. Speaking exclusively to The Advocate today,...

New Anti-Troll Laws Welcomed By [Redacted By Legal] Who [Redacted By Legal] The Philippines

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A swathe of anti-troll laws are set to enter Federal Parliament this week which are aimed at unmasking people who say shocking and defamatory things online about and especially but not limited to , , and the 1999 NRL Grand Final debacle. One who has welcomed the new laws is ,...

School Playground Hears How Omicron Had Two Of His Ribs Removed So He Could Mutate Himself

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights state schoolyard has heard rumours this morning about a deadly new strain of the spicy cough that's had two of his bottom ribs removed so he could mutate himself. Though early reports suggest that despite being extremely contagious and whatnot, the symptoms and outcomes of the disease are much milder than that...

Client Patiently Waits Until 4:55pm Friday Afternoon To Request Another Revision To Project

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A client has thoughtfully waited until the last possible moment to request a massive revision, despite having all week to answer an email. It’s alleged the staff at ‘Pump agency’ were just about to leave for the weekend when an email arrived in one of the account managers inboxes. Titled ‘urgent’, the email was roughly three pages long and highlighted...

Report: Just Lettuce Read The Letter, Georgie Boy, Let The People Be The Judge

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Local champion of free speech and libertarianism George Christensen is blocking, for the third time, the release of a letter between the Australian Federal Police and his office regarding his travels in the Phillippines over a number of years. Mr George says the letter contains accusations that paint him in a poor light and might,...

Flag-Wearing Patriot Suffers Existential Crisis After Realising Scotty Is Actually Full Of Shit

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Deep in thought as he stares out into the Big Blue Bin off Sydney, one flag-wearing patriot says he’s beginning to question everything after comes to terms with the fact that his Prime Minister is actually the one who’s completely full of shit. The man, who asked The Advocate to refer to him as Ralph,...

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