IN-Focus

Nathan Lyon Suggestively Raises Eyebrows And Smiles When Chat Turns To Who Should Be Captain

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The nation’s Wattle Holder Nathan Lyon has sheepishly put his case forward to be the first spin bowler to captain the Australian Test side since Richie Benaud, by raising his eyebrows and smiling at the boys when the chat turns to who should replace Tim Paine as Test Captain. “Fuuuuck,” said Steve Smith to the...

Gladys: “I Always Followed The Best Oh Fuck It, I Couldn’t Give A Fuck Anymore”

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The former Premier of New South Wales, Gladys Berejiklian, has told reporters in Sydney today that she always followed the best health advice when making decisions before trailing off into a stream of apathetic rambling. ”I always followed the best health advice,” she said. She paused then began to speak. ”Oh fuck it. I couldn’t give a...

Man Wonders In What Spectacular Fashion The Prime Minister Will Fuck Something Up This Week

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The club captain of the Lake Betooa Surf Lifesaving Club has told The Advocate this morning that he's looking forward to this, the last sitting week of Federal Parliament, to see in which spectacular and bizarre way Scott Morrison will fuck things up. Wade Donough, a 45-year-old founder of a small scale residential building company,...

“Yeah Mate, It’s Been A Tough Year For Us All,” Says Bloke Standing Next To His New 300-Series

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A downtrodden old-timer reckons this year has been quite a punish for him - and everyone in the wider community. He says this despite standing next to his new 300-Series Landcruiser Sahara ZX, which he said was the only good thing to come to him this year. "Oh yeah, mate," said Wal Cooper, a semi-retired grazier...

Scotty Explains Concept Of Inflation By Saying It’s Essentially What He Does To The Truth

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister is thanking God today that it's Friday, which means he gets two whole days off before the journalists resume their job of making him appear to be incompetent and supremely out-of-his-depth. Earlier this morning, however, Scott Morrison was asked to explain what inflation was, why it's bad and why Anthony Albanese's government...

Parcel Courier Says He Has A Sixth Sense For Knowing If Someone Is At Home So He Doesn’t Even Get Out Of The Van Half The Time

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A magic man who has fallen on hard times says he uses his supernatural abilities to see into people's homes to see if they're there. It's a particularly useful sense, says former pub magician Dennis Groole, for his new line of work. "When this virus came to town, they shut all the pubs and I was...

Report: Mate’s Old Boy Got Some Wild Lookin’ Trotters On Him

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights father has unknowingly been the subject of intense discussion this afternoon as his boy and some of his boy's mates popped over and saw what he was working with in terms of feet. Taylor Runfrige, a 16-year-old student at O'Gilhooleys Catholic College said his mates reckons his old boy has some wild...

Liberal Strategists Draw Line Through WA After PM Says This Beer Tastes Like His Own Urine

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The faceless men who control Scott Morrison have let out a big sigh this morning and drew a line through the entire state of Western Australia after the Prime Minister tasted Emu Export for the first time and was not impressed. "This tastes like my own urine," he said before chuckling to himself. "You would have...

Bloke Manages To Put Forward Policy Without Calling Anyone Names Or Declaring Himself An Underdog

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A man from Sydney's cosmopolitan inner southwest has suggested he plans on reforming the NBN to make it better than it is now if he wins the next Federal Election. During his press conference, Labor leader Anthony Albanese put forward his $2.4 billion vision to expand suburban and regional access to full-fibre NBN. "If this period...

Richard Flanagan Ponders The November Snow Outside His Hobart Home And Wonders If One Of His Stories Is Starting To Come True

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Tasmanian author Richard Flanagan has told The Advocate today that the sight of snow in his front garden in November is troubling, but at the same time, he's wondering if one of his stories about the declining health of the Tasmanian climate and tearing of social fabric is starting to come true. Via telephone this...

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