IN-Focus

Marketing Pigeon Asked To Resign After Spending Rugby Australia’s Last $1m On Wallaby Surfboards

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The board of Rugby Australia has asked the pigeon in charge of their marketing department to resign over allegations he used the ironically broke sporting code's last $1m to buy promotional surfboards. For twelve-hundred Australian pesos, anyone can purchase a golden surfboard with the Wallabies logo slapped on the underside of it. It's understood by...

Leaked Images Appear To Show Mock-Up Kiwi Warships In China Desert

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact China appears to have built full-scale mock-ups of New Zealand warships in a desert in the country's north-western Xinjiang region, leaked images show. One of the images, captured by Australia's intelligence community, shows a structure shaped like a military houseboat placed next to a terribly-maintained road. Military analysts have said the structures appeared to be targets...

Man Contemplates Life After Learning New Pram Cost More Than He Paid For His Old 1993 NC Fairlane

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights city worker opened his Netbank this morning to see he's worth significantly less than he was last week, discovering that the pram he agreed to buy with his wife is worth more than the 1993 NC Fairlane he drove around in his 20s. Speaking very candidly to The Advocate, Stephen Magner said...

Quiet Boy From School Breaks Four-Year Social Media Hiatus To Announce He Just Ran The New York Marathon And It Was Really Hard

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights man who grew up knowing he'd leave our cosmopolitan desert community forever and never come back has reemerged today after four years, telling the world that he just ran the New York Marathon and it was really hard. Despite the best efforts of The Advocate, this masthead was not able to discover...

Big Money Small Town Catholic Takes A Break From Making Children To Enjoy His 9-Seater Couch With Cupholders

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact An airconditioning magnate from Betoota Heights said he's taking some time away from making new life with his wife this week to enjoy his 9-seater couch complete with recliners and cupholders. "I got ripped off buying the thing so I might as well enjoy it," said big money Catholic Michael Matthew, of M&M Airconditioning. "Guess where...

New School Principal Looks Forward To Being Loathed By Every Staff Member In The Near Future

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The new principal at Green Road Public School in Betoota Heights says she's looking forward to the challenging task of making sure all staff members hate her by Christmas, telling The Advocate that if you're not universally despised by teachers and parents, then you're not doing your job as school principal. Wendy O'Pooley decided on...

Aussie NFL Fan Insists His Love Of American Sports Is Not Related To Rampant Gambling Addiction

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A suburban man who loves his American sports has alleged today that his interest in the sport has nothing to do with punting large amounts of money on the outcome of games for reasons he's not even sure of. Taking time out of his busy day of selling office equipment before heading down to a...

Bloke Who Drinks Ironically In Ungentrified Pubs And Clubs Gives New James Bond Five Big Yikes Out Of Five

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A young man from a good home who's enjoying his salad days living hand-to-mouth in a rapidly gentrifying suburb before he moves home to save a deposit or gets handballed a few hundred grand from a senior family member has condemned the new James Bond movie, telling his friends who agree with him on...

Barnaby Keeps Driving Past Werris Creek Bowlo After Seeing Tony Windsor’s 2003 Diahatsu Copen Out Front

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Deputy Prime Minister was on his way home to Armidale today after a big Melbourne Cup celebration in Scone when he decided, while passing through enemy territory, to duck in for a quick sharpener. One place in Werris Creek, a small community on the NSW Liverpool Plains, where Barnaby would be less likely to...

“How Can Anyone Vote For This Bozo?” Asks Detached High-Paid PAYG City Worker

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local city worker just cannot wrap their head around the fact that there are people out there who vote for Scott Morrison and think he's doing a great job of being Prime Minister. Senior public servant Johanna Lido, who works in a delightfully restored heritage building in our town's Old City District and takes...

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