IN-Focus

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Premier of our state's south-east corner has praised the people of the south-east corner for showing up to be tested in record numbers yesterday as Queensland records zero new cases of the Sydney Sneeze. Feeding the chooks this morning, Annastacia Palaszczuk said she wanted to do a special shout out to the 16 people...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Federal Government has officially added people over 50 who are waiting for the young person's jab to the endangered species list as they'll probably die waiting. Modelling that the government is refusing the share has shown that Australians who make up this cohort are going to perish in a manner that will both inflict...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Like any regional man over 50, Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce is terrified of the Sydney Sneeze. He has seen it decimate communities – both here in regional Australia and in our nation’s many shithole cities such as Sydney and Melbourne. Because he shares a workplace with people from Victoria and New South Wales, Mr Joyce...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Like any regional man over 50, Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce is terrified of the Sydney Sneeze. He has seen it decimate communities - both here in regional Australia and in our nation's many shithole cities such as Sydney and Melbourne. Because he shares a workplace with people from Victoria and New South Wales, Mr...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The ethnically-South Australian city of Broken Hill is in crisis today as the town's supermarkets are forced to replace smiley fritz with plain devon as border closures begin to bite. Though the ingredients of 'fritz' and 'devon' are largely the same, the move has prompted an outpouring of grief in Broken Hill with the town's...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact There was a time, two years ago, when Miles Tannerman would have to get dressed and feed himself in the morning. After suffering that indignity, the 35-year-old would have to wait at a trolley stop for the electric bus to wind around the corner and down to the Betoota Heights shops where he'd alight. It...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact When Betoota Grove man Alistair Sands finds a new hobby, he says, he commits one-hundred percent. Last year when this terrible curse upon the planet reached our cosmopolitan desert republic, every man under 30 suddenly developed a golf hobby. Clashes with the old golfing guard of the few and far between, though. Only a few...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A target floor manager has today been spotted staring into the abyss, just two hours into his shift. Onlookers report seeing the young man go into a trance, somehow reflecting both emptiness and inexpressible sadness in his blank expression. Looking as though he’d been told he had 48 hours to vacate his property, the bloke’s once expressive brown eyes had...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Toowoomba man who's been trying to get home for weeks has been caught trying to cross the border from New South Wales by claiming to be the spouse of NRL player Victor Radley. Court documents allege the man told Queensland Police in Coolangatta that he didn't need a border pass because the state's Chief...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister has put the nation's poor, sick, old and, disabled people on notice today in Canberra by announcing that it will become a federal offence to die from the Sydney Sneeze. Taking off his glasses and trendy Australian flag mask to speak candidly to the people he hates most in the world, Scott...