Breaking News

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Hovering next to the dryer, local bloke Sean Cooper has a split second to make a decision. Be an adult and unload his washing, which means he’d no doubt have to put it away, or cherry-pick a dry pair of undies and leave it for another day. And though the answer should be obvious, Sean considers himself a busy man...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A local Banksmeadow man and pokies enthusiast has expressed relief this week, after making an excitable return to work at his favourite VIP Lounge. Spotted bouncing into the licensed premise at 11:32am this morning, Glenn Palmer expressed deep satisfaction to see his old desk ‘The Queen of the Nile’ just as he had left it. “Ahhh! It’s good...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A local Sydney man has outed himself as a deadset fuckwit, demonstrating the nerve to ask a pub owner whether there are any specials on for Freedom Day. The ludicrously tone-deaf question was poorly received, as Commercial Real Estate Manager and regular fuckhead Jarrod Oakley (29) wrongly assumed his humour was welcome in the licensed premise. “Fuck it’s...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT HAHA WHAT!?? Across Sydney today, fully jabbed residents have been granted new freedoms to drinks piss and look pretty, in what many have dubbed 'Freedom Day'. This comes after New South Wales reached the major milestone of having 70 per cent of its over 16 population vaccinated against this fucken virus that has caused so much shit over the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Scotty from Marketing has struck again this week, letting the nation know that he's the everyman for every man. Struggling through a catered lockdown with his team around him in the humble abode that is The Lodge in Canberra, Morrison got one of his media staff to post a photo of him making a curry, on a barbeque....

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT After three years studying for a communications degree, local woman Eloise Fisher has finally landed her first white-collar job, working for an up and coming PR company. With dreams of being the next Samanta Jones, Eloise had juggled the student/ hospo life, bartending for a local dive bar to pay the rent and that much needed instant noodle money. As...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A potential new era has begun in the life of graffiti artist/graffer Creagan Scott (tag name ‘battering ham’) as he swallowed his pride and took a job painting a family friendly mural for his local council. After identifying an abundance of graffiti on the sides of public buildings in parks such as Betoota’s historic Boer War Memorial Park, Betoota...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Sydney resident and certified fibber Neil Bilby (29) has been caught lying today by saying he cannot wait for the gyms to reopen. As of October 11, Bilby will be one of many double jabbed residents who will enjoy increased freedoms meaning he will be able to visit his family, have friends over and maybe, if he has time,...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Local grandpa Paddy Grieg (79) is getting way into his biology right now as he runs his offspring through all the stresses of owning a worm farm as if he were managing a top end cattle station. Looking to improve his veggie garden output while reusing waste, Grieg took advantage of his councils' subsidised worm farm program and set...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A crippling introvert has had their whole day ruined, after taking an entire morning to prepare for a phone, it’s reported. Gillian Rogers is alleged to have reminded herself to call up a tax account this morning, naming her 7:30 alarm ‘TAX’ to ensure she didn’t forget. As she wasn’t looking forward to finding out the capital gains from...