Breaking News

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A simple drive home has today been hijacked by a wistful mum, who decided to take a look at how the other half lives. It’s alleged Julie Porter picked up her son Daniel after school that afternoon and had been feeling a bit glum after a day off, pottering around the house. Prior to husband and kids,...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT With a prolonged lockdown looking likely for plenty of our friends across the ditch, contingency plans are reportedly being made. Following Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern extending Auckland's lockdown for at least another two weeks, the town's hospitality industry has begun trying to come up with a plan to save their industry. "It's like the postman, but for...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In a sign of just how bad things are getting for Qantas, our national carrier has revealed it's going to have to start price gouging urban Australians to stay afloat. The huge decision comes after the airline announced a billion-dollar loss last week, with little reprieve in terms of travel restrictions in sight. "After gouging regional Australians, and...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Out of all of Elisha’s procrastination habits, busting blackheads is up there as one of the most disgusting ones. It’s said the local Betoota Heights woman turned to the blackhead remover whenever she was feeling stressed, or when she had something far more important to do - such as finishing the project she should have handed to her...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT In an idea that can only be for the best, locked down youth Cerie Tan (29) decided to do some cooking.  After scrolling through the first draft of the recipe writer’s autobiography, Tan began making what was described as a quick and easy butternut gnocchi recipe which according to the website, should take 25-30 minutes. Unfortunately for Tan, the estimated...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Local bloke Oliver Turner has today decreed that his mate’s eyes are a bit too fucking intense. It’s alleged he came to this conclusion after spending a little more time than usual with his new mate Parker, facing the full force of his ice-cold gaze when they ventured outside one sunny afternoon. Looking very obviously uncomfortable, Oliver speaks to our...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Although society is continuing to find ways to reduce waste, one local dad might be keeping us all back a couple of years. According to the children of Arnie Spencer (44), their dad is wasting serious resources by spreading their morning Vegemite toast with an exceedingly thick layer of the yeasty spread, using a thick coating techinique usually reserved...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Despite being a relatively well-adjusted young woman, Melanie Pope is a sucker for a bad boy. In fact, she’d hasten to say that her taste in men was questionable at best. But considering she grew up consuming the likes of The Vampire Diaries, The OC, Gossip Girl and the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice, it’s easy to see...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A waiter at the grove’s ‘The Gilded Frog’ has today proven that there is such a thing as being too hospitable, after failing to read what was obviously a very tense atmosphere. It’s reported an older couple were seen entering the fine dining restaurant during lunchtime and were described as rather ‘terse looking’ by onlookers, who also noted that...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A local woman has gotten up close and personal with an Uber car today after experiencing months of no action, it’s reported. Nessa Tanner is said to have embarked on a life of involuntary celibacy after casual encounters left her feeling emotionally drained. It’s alleged that Nessa had raised her standards of expected behaviour from suitors when she suddenly found...