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LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Despite the premier of New South Florida, Gladys Berijiklian, refusing to answer questions about why Bunnings is still open, The Advocate has obtained information that states the decision is coming from the top. Having earlier shown his prowess for nation-building by assembling a flatpack cubby house and chicken coop, occasional Prime Minister Scott Morrison has popped a few nails...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce has confirmed today that he will be standing firm on his refusal to tell George Christensen to stop talking shit. The assurance from Barnaby follows outrage that a sitting Member of the government has been allowed to stand in parliament and spout the kind of shit you see on your second cousin's Facebook....

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT After another tough few days around the nation, there's some positive news to round out the week. While the majority of Australians are stuck in lockdown, it's been revealed that pop star Britney Spears will be released from her 13-year lockdown. This follows Britney's father's decision to step down as the conservator of her 60 million dollar estate. He...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT There's finally some good news to report today, with the Government revealing that they are set to re-instate JobKeeper. This livelihood saving announcement comes after it was revealed that the nation's capital, which is Canberra, will go into lockdown tonight after a positive case was identified in the town. The positive case is set to have visited a...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation’s treasurer has today issued some sage advice to anyone struggling financially because of these latest spicy cough outbreaks.  Fronting the media this morning, Josh Frydenberg explained that if you are battling to make ends meet, or waiting on pandemic payments, then there’s an easy solution - the trusty Amex.  “Look, as a battler in inner-city Melbourne on a...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT While the New England hub of Tamworth is struggling through a week-long lockdown, there has been somewhat of a silver lining for one local man. Pete Pawsey says the snap stay-at-home order has given him the perfect opportunity to can a dreaded dinner with the in-laws. "Thank fuck for that," laughed the grumpy farmer who dreads leaving...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT With the 2021 Census taking place tonight, the Australian Bureau Of Statistics has warned the public that a lot of people might take offense at some of the questions surround religion. "We apologise reservedly" said a spokesperson for the ABS this afternoon. "We know that there is many more religions in Australia than the 7 options we provided" "But unfortunately...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT After over 18 months of throwing barbs at one another over who is handling this pandemic the worst, Sydney and Melbourne have tonight squashed the beef. This comes as the Northern Rivers capital of Byron Bay, a community of elite expats who were wealthy enough to flee both cities to escape lockdowns, goes into lockdown. The lockdown...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister appeared on local FM radio this morning where he took the opportunity to remind listeners that he did not poop his pants at McDonalds. Speaking to Nova’s Flipper & The Chimp on 1024.5 Betoota FM, Scott Morrison was repeatedly asked how his relationship with his close personal friend Brian Houston was going after the Hillsong founder...

ERROL PARKER | Editor–At-Large | CONTACT The self-indulgent, sanctimonious people of our fine state’s southeast corner have somehow crushed an outbreak of the super spicy cough despite historically being branded ”dumb rednecks” by the denizens of the diseased south.  After the Pangolin’s Wrath jumped the fence down in Indooroopilly last week, concerns grew that the River City was going to see a widespread outbreak of...