Local Triathlete Sets New Personal Best For Post-Race Social Media Upload And Caption
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
One of our French Quarter residents is a very happy man this morning, it can be confirmed.
Brett Wilson is feeling particularly content and pleased with himself after seeing the 200th like roll in just 24 hours after whacking his Triathlon shot up on Instagram.
The 31-year-old finance guy who maintains he isn't having an early midlife crisis,...
Australians Currently Relying On Fired Up Cabbies For News Updates
FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT
News-hungry Australians who have no contact with the outside world apart from tv, radio, telephone, newspapers, the internet or looking out the window - have instead turned to taxi drivers as a 7th last resort for news.
This comes as Facebook is yet to restore Australian news content, despite reaching an agreement with the Australian Government two days ago, which...
Frydenberg’s Media Code Hospital Pass Starting To Look A Lot Like Turnbull’s NBN Hospital Pass
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
The nightmare that has been the government's media bargaining code is starting to look like the type of self-sabotage that a Prime Minister only engages in when he wants to dash the political ambitions of a colleague.
This comes as the Federal Government continues to get rinsed down by an uncharacteristically critical NewsCorp, who won't stop reporting on the...
Jenny Tells PM To Look At Facebook Changes As If His Own Daughters Were Independent Newspapers
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
As the nation and the government try to frantically wrap their head around what the fuck happened this morning, our federal empathy consultant has reportedly offered up some sage advice.
Jenny Morrison, the wife of Scott Morrison, has implored the Prime Minister to put himself in the shoes of an independent newspaper who doesn't want to be subject...
Pop Now Avid Supporter Of Refugees And Climate Action After 1 Day Without Sky News On Facebook
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A local Pop has revealed he's seeing the world in a new light today.
The 73-year-old retired fitter and turner from Betoota Grove Ambrose Coorey is walking around with a real spring in his step, after making it past lunch without being told his entire existence is under threat.
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Melbourne Yuppie Who First Voted Labor At 45 Will Take A Motherfucker’s Life For Dan Andrews
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
An inner-north Melbourne architect has this week once again emphasised that she has no qualms with nailing her flag to her premier Dan Andrews.
This marks quite a journey for Bronwyn Nallieu (49) - who voted Labor at a state level for the first time in the 2018 Victorian election.
Since that moment, Bronwyn has leant into her decision...
Jenny Convinces PM To Stop Throwing Bricks From Grand Parade Overpass: “Think Of Our Girls”
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Prime Minister Scott Morrison says he is taking a stand to ensure that people are safe from being hit by bricks when driving under overpass, after a chat with his wife regarding this issue last night.
It is believed that Morrison was reportedly hurling jagged bricks off the side Grand Parade overpass last night, without a care in...
Liberal Party Staffer Alleges She Was Raped By Colleague In Parliam… VACCINE NEARLY HERE!!
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Health Minister Greg Hunt has today announced that 142,000 doses of the Pfizer/BioNTech vaccine are nearly ready to go!!!
After months of saying that we will be vaccinating against this virus any minute now, the Government has today reaffirmed that we will be vaccinating any minute now!!!
Hunt says this new batch of vaccines, which is so small that...
Two Fa Deal At Servo Twists Tired Local Man’s Arm
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A
worn out local man has succumbed to his tired brain today.
Speaking
to us out the front of the Betoota Ponds servo on a mild summer’s evening, Rick
Harvey nods to the two softie’s in his hands.
“Had
to fill up, and it’s been a big day at work,” he sighed.
“I’m
as depleted as a three year old iPhone after a...
Surfer PE Teacher Gives Drug Talk That Only Really Condemns ‘Today’s Hydroponic Shit’
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Local PE teacher Brian Campbell suffered the public indignity of teaching a sit-down theory class and having to act as if they are the same as other teachers.
As the class sat down politely and waited for the 50 minute ordeal to be over, they were somewhat interested when Mr Campbell informed his students they would be discussing drugs...
