Breaking News

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some rapidly developing news from the United States of America, vast swathes of people who used to enjoy branding others snowflakes are now getting pretty upset. This comes as Trump supporters look ahead to their 6th day of protesting the results of the election that for some reason weren't manipulated last time but have now been fiddled...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT It’s said that if every person worked in customer experience at least once in their lives, the world would be a kinder place.  If not  to stop the abundance of Karens, but to also put an end to common misdemeanours such as shoving used napkins into half drunk glasses of beer ‘to help out’ or in Aldi cashier Jayden...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT "Fuck!" Those were the words coming out of Scott Morrison's mouth after he left a North Sydney pub this afternoon. Heading down to put a punt on the Melbourne Cup like a dinky die Aussie bloke who loves Aussie culture, the head of Marketing and Bloke Affairs accidentally fucked up. Trying to get on something one of his staffers...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Nine years ago, millennial Tessa Paulo (26) was promised by her parents that Facebook would rot her brain. Turns out, Paulo’s parents weren’t wrong but not in the way they had intended.  A nationwide survey of 1,155 families has determined that the average parent spends 30% more time on Facebook than their children ever did during high school. “It’s pretty hypocritical,”...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact Desperate to prove to her followers how woke she is, local personal trainer Tiffany Wales took to Instagram today share a 10-post long story of all the controversial things Donald Trump has done throughout his life. While 10% of Tiffany’s followers applauded her for reminding them to not vote for Trump  – which judging by the echo...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Kevin Rudd is patient zero for coronavirus, according to the Murdoch media. Grainy CCTV footage, purported to have been recorded in November last year, shows Kevin Rudd eating wild bats in the streets of the Chinese city of Wuhan. This unconfirmed time-stamp appears to match up with when COVID-19 jumped species from the airborne mammals to humans. The uncorroborated story has...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local plasterer has received a stirring round of applause today, after managing to pull off an incredible achievement. The subbie at one of our Old City District highrise construction sites has today finished sheeting an entire floor without hiding any bottles of piss in the walls. The 42-year-old Dave McDonald managed to pull off the stunning play...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The national scientific research body has today made a strange request. In a phone call with NRL boss Peter V'Landys this morning, a group of researchers at the woefully underfunded CSIRO have asked for permission to undertake an anthropological field study at the Twin Waters Resort on the Sunshine Coast. This comes after Brandon Smith (the Hectic Cheese)...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A young Betoota Grove man is crushing it right now, it can be confirmed. The 27-year-old solicitor Hugo Huntington-Jones is well on the way to Junior Partner at Hunterwoodsmith & Mallesons and is kicking goal after goal. Speaking to The Advocate this morning at some Old City District cafe called the Cafe Court, Huntington-Jones told us to follow...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT NBA superstar and current GOAT of the game, LeBron James has today revealed to The Advocate the story behind the 'celebration goggles.' "Players here first started using em because of that Great Northern spray," he laughed over a FaceTime with Sports Editor Imran Gashkori. The celebration goggles were introduced to Australian's who aren't interested in American sports overnight...