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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Prime Minister Scott Morrison has today experienced one of the worst forms of temporary pain - a brain freeze. The unfortunate event happened when the Head Of Marketing was trying to market himself to some Queenslanders he hopes will vote for Deb Fregleton (? copy editors can you please check this????) Trying to do his best knockabout bloke...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local dietician received one of the shocks of her life after a conversation at her aunty's house yesterday. Brydie Hand, the 24-year-old second-year graduate at Royal Betoota Base Hospital fell off her chair last night, after her cousin Bryce revealed what he puts into his body. The conversation came up after Bryce asked for a bit of...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The embattled Premier of NSW has this afternoon decided to turn things around, and get her life back on track. After a few days of drama, and people trying to cause shit because of her personal life (which may or may not result in her being kicked out of office because of an ICAC inquiry) Berejiklian impulsively just...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As Year 12 students outside of Victoria gear up to formally celebrate finishing their time at high school, health officials have pleaded for socially distant celebrations. With formals going ahead with limited capacity and COVID safe protocols, Year 12 formal attendees have also been urged to sanitise the lip of their Little Fat Lamb bottles between shared sips....

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact The National Trust has stepped in to call for the heritage listing of the only remaining bus stop in Liverpool still featuring it’s original glass, dating back almost half a decade.  The historic structure, built in 2016, harkens back to a simpler time, when locals would sit on the bench to wait for the bus, instead of using...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Friend of the Groom and alleged ‘best man reserve’ Kyle Colliery (28) started the first day of the rest of his mate’s life feeling like he’d been eaten and shat out by a heartburn suffering, alcoholic elephant in the zoo section of a Thai prison.  Having never been to a country wedding before, Colliery was not prepared for the...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact The Spenn family were the recipients of exciting news this week after opening a letter from the local council informing them that they had been upgraded to ‘aspirational’ status.  The move comes as a welcome surprise to the family, who have had previous applications rejected due to a car which had flaking clearcoat, a damaged letterbox, and a...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Wallabies have unveiled a team it hopes will make everyone happy today. With the Bledisloe Cup kicking off this weekend over in Wellington at 2pm on Sunday, a new era of Wallabies is set to be ushered in - where players are seemingly get picked on current form, rather than allegiances and performances from years ago. While...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact The 2020 Federal Budget has caused a fair stir this week. Perhaps most controversially, it can be revealed that the 2020 Federal Budget includes a $20 per week subsidy for former Catholic Cardinal George Pell to play Keno at his local bowling club. It's believed the former Cardinal has asked for a Keno to be set up in the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Tax cuts for millions of Australians, cash payments for welfare recipients and major asset write-offs for nearly all businesses, but particularly the big ones that donate to the right political parties. That was Treasurer Josh Frydenberg’s second Federal Budget. It's nowhere near as psychopathic as Joe Hockey's 'lifters and leaners' budget of 2014, but it does still prioritise quite...