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GREGOR REDPATH | Rugby | Contact There was a time when Peta Washbrook regretted walking into the Betoota Heights Hillsong Church - but those days are long, long gone. The 19-year-old said she didn't know what she wanted from life before she found Jesus. Now she just wants to be happy. And that happiness now knows no bounds after a fellow churchgoer dropped...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Despite their better judgement, and perhaps in an attempt to reclaim what they perceived to be lost youth, Hannah Burke and Leslie Totts figured they’d ditch their usual Rosé and crackers for a Saturday night going hard at some weird Covid-safe inner-city rave. Though they should have known that it was going was going to be...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Local man Liam Ryan-Ellis is for lack of a better word, a bit of a piece of shit. But unlike most people who would endeavour to rectify such a bad trait should they notice it in themselves, Liam has instead chosen to embrace his awful behaviour, adopting the persona of the token, cocky asshole or in his...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Local woman Nessa Thompson insists that she never bothered getting a licence because she lives near the city anyway. For the most part, having no licence has done little to harbour her life, except for the odd few occasions a job ad listed having one as a requirement. That, and the little stab of embarrassment she feels whipping out...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT As the nation slowly starts to ease out the lockdown rules, local mum Natasha Clarke figures a dinner party is the best way to celebrate things getting back to normal again. Ever the enterprising host, Natasha has gone full slog tonight with the theme ‘Murder on the orient express’, which sees her and an assortment of middle-aged couples getting...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Nothing like some summer fun! As the springtime sun warms us without the deadly wrath of a climate-change-exacerbated summer sun the one and only place to be is the beach. The loosening of restrictions is calling all Australians to get loose by the sea including the nation’s newest, and most controversial resident, COVID-19. Upon arriving at a crowded beach with...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT George Robert Christensen MP has today called for a Royal Commission into why Sizzler outlets are closing down across Australia. The rotund Member for Dawson has today announced that he can no longer remain silent over the fact that the nation’s favourite all-you-can-eat restaurant chain is disappearing in front of our very eyes. “The $14 dollar salad bar and buffet...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Andrew Bolt has done his best to appease his insatiable appetite for causing controversy today, by condemning the government's plans to develop a travel bubble with New Zealand. Speaking from his desk in the ever emptying Sky News Studios, the outrage merchant who can't go a week without desperately desiring to see his name trend on Twitter (partly...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Claudia Wyatt-Bechey (56) says she's been feeling down all afternoon. Like hundreds of thousands of armchair cultural commentators from Australia's left-wing Twittersphere, her faith in the American political system has all but vanished today. This follows the chaotic first of three US Presidential debates, which took place at 11am AEST. President Trump and Joe Biden clashed over the Supreme Court, the...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT In what some are calling a clear-cut case of domestic terrorism, Betoota Ponds local Marty Malone (34) cooked eggs in the lunch room microwave he shares with other people.  At approximately 1:30pm, Malone and his coworkers convened in their demountable lunch room for a well earned 2nd-morning tea. As his coworkers discussed podcasts and correct cooking temperatures for elk...