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Bloke Shovelling Popcorn During New Action Movie Quietly Tells Himself He Could Do That Shit Too

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Following a big week of managing accounts at some trendy Betoota Old City District money making firm, Brad Parker decided to treat himself to a bit of an alternate reality this week. After having to deal with one of his annoying partners circling back to dump some shit on his desk he didn’t want to deal with, the big...

Man Insisting On Destination Wedding In The Middle Of A Pandemic Must Be Trying To Buy Some Time

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT For someone who once stated he would be happy to elope at the registry office, Martin Gould (33) is now very adamant that he and his fiance Michelle Frost (31) need to have a destination wedding. Known for being the most expensive way to tell your loved ones to sit on a chode, destination weddings involve relocating the marriage...

Local Woman Gets Final Push Into Health Kick After Ex-Boyfriend’s Oversized Shirt Begins Fitting Snugly

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT There’s nothing quite like wearing a boys shirt or jumper, and any girl with a partner will tell you that one of the biggest benefits of having a boyfriend is access to another wardrobe. If it’s not stealing the occasional jumper, it’s also beanies, socks, gym shorts and the holy grail, the humble hoodie. Local woman, Tessa Simpson is a...

Vege Burger Good In Theory

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Pub lunch participant Leoni Sprigg (43) ended up being part of a scientific study against her will during Friday lunch at French Quarter pub, The Timberlands Hotel (no relation). Like many heritage venues in the trendy Betoota French Quarter, The Timberlands Hotel aims to be a unique take on the traditional pub experience by putting a few darts in...

“Oi.. We Don’t Do That Here!” – Scotty Bravely Orders AFP To Lower Their Guns During Protests

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has continued digging further into the hole that has found his Parliament swamped by thousands of protestors today. In his opening remarks in Question Time, Mr Morrison said it was "right and good" that people were able to congregate in peaceful protests as tens of thousands gathered to demand action against gendered violence in...

Background Check Sees Local Woman Find Out Crush’s Estimated Career Salary Before First Date

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT When it comes to dating, local woman Theresa is pretty damn efficient. So efficient, her sleuthing skills have her finding everything she needs to know about a person even before the first date. With the dawn of the digital age, blind dates are no longer blind, as it’s all too easy to find out everything from mutual friends and the...

Paid Leave Porter Spends Morning Trying To Feed 24 Panadol Rapids To A Local Rainbow Lorikeet

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation's embattled Attorney General has today spent the morning trying to remember what he used to do for fun, before he became a rusted on member of the elite Liberal political class. With more details emerging regarding the allegations levelled at him regarding a horrific rape at Sydney University in the 1980s, the embattled Attorney General is now...

Paid Leave Porter Spends Afternoon Using Egg Account To Prove That Gender Pay Gap Is A Myth

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT With the celebration of International Women's Day taking place this Monday, it's safe to say a lot of Men's Rights Activists have been pretty flat out. And one of the nation's more prominent MRA's, Attorney General Paid Leave Porter has spoken to The Advocate today about taking it upon himself to fight alongside his brothers on social media....

Married Man In Major Need Of A Hobby Counts Down Days Until Next Bucks Party

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT If someone had told local man Jarryd Thorne that being a married father would be less baseball catching moments and more crocodile tears and supermarket tantrums, he might have thought twice about reaching the ultimate adult milestone. Which isn’t to say he doesn’t feel blessed and grateful and all that blah blah blah, but he’d kill to have a...

Woman Instantly Wooed By Watching Crush Parallel Park In One Point

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A local woman who’s been weighing up whether she’s attracted to a potential beau has had her feelings confirmed one sunny Sunday afternoon after watching her crush parallel park, it’s reported. Elisha Reynolds had reportedly been on the fence for a couple of weeks, having experienced a major ick when she spied his butt crack one day. But...

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