Shithole City Sooking About Calls For Grand Final To Be Taken Away From Their Shithole Stadium
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The largest cesspit known to mankind is carrying on this week, it can be confirmed.
Spearheaded by its rich white political and media leaders, the drop toilet known more commonly as Sydney, is up in arms about calls to move the pinnacle of rugby league up north to Brisbane.
The calls have come after NRL boss Peter V'Landys...
Selfless Bloke With Well-Documented Work Ethic Fires Shots At Middle Aged Man For Getting Sick
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The man recognised as the hardest worker in the country has today won over a few more swing voters, by reminding them how hard a worker he is.
The Prime Minister has wowed average Australians by telling them he worked really hard during his spicy cough isolation.
This comes after Opposition Leader Antony Albanese emerges from 7 days of...
Albanese Reminds Italian Voters That He’s Still One Of Them With Mob Boss-Themed InStyle Shoot
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
A OFFER THEY CAN'T REFUSE: Anthony Albanese has today ditched the inoffensive chinos and button up, and made a move on his once rusted-on Italian voters in Leichhardt and Carlton.
In conversation with former Australian of the Year Grace Tame, the Opposition Leader discussed his tough upbringing, as she interviewed him in a friendly chat for the women's magazine...
Specialist Running Stores Enjoy Unexpected Boom Thanks To Influx Of Faux Hiking Hipsters
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A specialist running store has sold out of high-end trail shoes this week, all thanks to a new wave of customers that haven’t been on a run since their Year 10 cross country carnival.
It appears business is booming at ‘Runners Touch’, an athletic shoe store in the Old City District, which has been serving Betoota’s corporate...
Local Concreters Treat Themselves To A Cute Little Brunch Date After Morning Of Heavy Showers
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A local gaggle of concreters is picking up where they left off yesterday, after a patch of heavy rain this morning.
Rolling in after what was a sizeable ANZAC Day for most of the crew, the local concreters were greeted this morning by heavy clouds, and frequent bursts of rain.
After fiddling about with a few loose ends,...
Bloke Who Couldn’t Cut It In The Queensland Police Reckons We Should Trust Him To Handle China
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The nation's Defence Minister has this week revealed how desperate his party is getting ahead of the federal election, by telling the nation that we need to prepare for war.
Speaking yesterday, Dutton decided to politicise a sacred national day of remembrance by comparing China and Russia to Nazi Germany before World War II and urging the nation...
Bloke Who Hasn’t Had A Pay Rise In 9 Years Really Worked Up About Women’s Sport
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Betoota Ponds factory worker Norm Lieschke (45) states he is not someone who is into politics, which explains why he has been rather caught up in LNPs deadcatting strategy of making this election about trans women playing sport.
Working in quality assurance and control for the last 20 years, Lieschke did once enjoy pay rises as part of the...
Softly-Spoken Science Teacher Books 8 Weeks Of Physio after Letting The Elbows Loose At Midnight Oil Concert
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A quiet science teacher is believed to have caused some self-inflicted ligament damage this week, giving himself permission to wildly swing the elbows at a Midnight Oil concert.
A well-known environmental activist who encourages the use of keep cups at Betoota Ponds High School, it’s understood Mr Martin Hirst (52) was spotted strutting into the classroom enthusiastically...
Autistic Teenager Reveals He Feels Blessed That He Never Had To Have A Dad Like Scott Morrison
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A year 9 student at Betoota Heights High has today responded to the comments made by our Prime Minister last night.
"I'm feeling blessed today," said young Brayden Williams this afternoon.
"That I don't have a dad like Scott Morrison."
Speaking in reference to Scott Morrison's comments during the leader's debate last night, Brayden says he isn't really...
Murdoch Newspapers Reports Opposition Leader Abused By BluesFest Crowds Yelling “G’day Albo”
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
As billionaire Liberal Party donor Gerry Harvey grows nervous that a Labor Government might force him to pay back the hundreds of millions of dollars his retail empire stole from the taxpayers through JobKeeper rorts, the Australian media outlets that survive off Harvey Norman advertisements have gotten to work to convince the nation that the most incompetent Prime...
