Breaking News

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Residents of Betoota Heights have had to grin and bear the noise levels this week as neighbourhood drummer Henry Paulo (30) has been going absolutely full Whiplash in honour of late Foo Fighters drummer Taylor Hawkins. Drummer of the Foo Fighters since 1997, Hawkins was known for high energy beats on tracks like Rope, Stacked Actors and Everlong,...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact As an increasing number of the Prime Minister's peers continue to provide reverse testimonials of our nation’s leader, Scotty has finally weighed in and told them to easily fix it by just getting a better leader. Earlier this week outgoing Liberal senator Concetta Fierravanti-Wells and independent senator Jacqui Lambie verbally Will Smithed Scotty for his failures as a...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact A local woman has today requested that her delivery rider reserve his judgement after making a rather interesting grocery request. It’s alleged that Alex Reilly was feeling a little dusty this morning, and didn’t feel like making the long trek to her local grocery store and bottle-o for essentials.  Despite the two stores being realistically within walking distance, the fact...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A guilty lapsed Catholic has decided to break lent this afternoon, polishing off an entire football-sized creme egg in a supermarket car park. Sitting in the driver's seat of his silver Kia Sorrento, The Advocate understands 36-year-old Darrell Lea has treated himself to a headstart on Easter after a very stressful grocery shop. Shocked to learn the recent...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT The board of Simpson & Simpson Pharmaceutical Co. has announced healthy 3rd quarter profits, buoyed by the long-awaited return to work of men that like to concrete their hair into place. A manufacturer of several leading hair care brands including White Fox Grooming Paste, Tommy’s Barber Wax and the ever-popular Shock Waves Max Hold High Shine Gel,...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactWestern Australians have today been given a life raft by Prime Minister Scott Morrison, as he’s urged them to think ‘outside the box’ and find housing elsewhere if they’re ‘too poor to afford rent.’ Sick of everyone’s whinging, a frustrated Morrison has stated that it’s not his job to fix everything, and that if Aussies...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Prime Minister has today respond to damning allegations in trademark style. This comes after Liberal colleague Concetta Fierravanti Wells claimed that Morrison is a bully, a fake Christian and an autocrat who has no moral compass and treats leadership like it's his way, or the highway. The all guns blazing speech to the Senate from the very...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Hollywood's night of nights has rolled around once again, and as usual, a few of Australia's very own are there to take it in. It's already been a good start from the Australian contingent with, Greig Fraser winning Best Cinematography for Dune. Nicole Kidman has also been nominated for an Oscar, as an actress in the leading role...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Uncle Murray Gasser (55) has made it clear to all he’s good for a yarn by wearing his rather dated ‘I Am The Stig’ t-shirt to his family reunion. A reference to the British men’s therapy program Top Gear, The Stig is one of the show's long running characters known for his precision driving, white attire and secret identity. With...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As an election looms with the ominous roll of a wheelie bin stickered with your own face, Scotty has read the room for the first time ever and decided he needs to do a few things to improve his image. In what is being described as an ‘only way is up’ approach, the Part Time PM has punched in...