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LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact At the time of writing, the full extent of the damage caused by floods in SE Queensland and Northern NSW is yet to be fully assessed as the ongoing floods continue to destroy businesses, homes and displace thousands of people. Despite the devastation however, it has provided an opportunity for the region’s jet ski owners to feel justified in...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact As sick leave Scotty continues to isolate himself from regular Australians, our nation’s leader has been watching enough free-to-air TV to actually start believing he’s a good Prime Minister. After getting roused at by Jenny for firing up the Wii bowling, Scotty returned to watching the TV stations owned by his mates and was delighted to learn that...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Namely, the commonly accepted theory that climate change is a myth that has been orchestrated by leftie elites who enjoy seeing coal miners losing their jobs and living in poverty. With a vast majority of Northern NSW and South-East QLD battling never-ended storms and floods, the Great Barrier Reef in the midst of yet another potentially irreversible bleaching event,...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT An interesting morning in Federal politics has taken another bizarre turn, it can be confirmed. Following in the footsteps of Prime Minister Scott Morrison and Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce, Defence Minister Peter Dutton has also gone to extreme lengths to avoid doing some actual work. The former Queensland cop has apparently joined Ukraine's International Defence Battalion, attempting...

KEITH T. DENNETT |New South | CONTACT Australia’s King and Queen of soft-core porn radio are bracing themselves for a difficult week, struggling to work out the best way to report on the current geopolitical crisis unfolding in Ukraine.  After making it through this morning’s news reports, which included several hyper-sexualised jokes about how much people on the Gold Coast love “wetness”, it’s believed...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The head of Marketing at the Federal Government of Australia has raised eyebrows today. This comes after Prime Minister Scotty from Marketing turned up in the Northern Rivers with a pool noodle, a Wahu footy and an upbeat attitude. Following torrential rain in the region, which has seen record breaking floods, Scotty decided to visit the town of Lismore to...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some breaking news from the Eastern European nation of Ukraine, the man elected to be their leader is not currently in Hawaii. He's not even down the coast on a little trip away with the family. He hasn't even organised some overseas meetings so he can swerve a crisis. He's actually at the epicentre of a national crisis...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT With floodwaters continuing to rise around the Northern Rivers of NSW and South East of Queensland, the community has once again lifted to help each other out. From the Sunny Coast down to Grafton, countless local residents have hopped in the truck, car, or boat to help people around them, as the rescue effort continues from this La...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIn shocking news, Russia has today come through with their cyber attack threats, easily breaking into one of Australia’s most heavily trafficked websites, Centrelink. This hack is said to be discovered late Wednesday afternoon, when Centrelink workers reported a suspiciously low number of calls and a high amount of claims getting processed. Initially thinking there...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the world continues to watch on in horror at the events unfolding in Ukraine, a Betoota Heights local has revealed she's had enough of this thing already. Speaking to us from her office job in the Old City District, third-generation Polish descendant Katarzyna Szczepański says she's got as much of an idea about what's going on in...