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Bloke Testing Out The Carnivore Diet Implored To Stop By Every Roommate That Shares A Bathroom

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT With nothing much to do this week, local bloke James Reynolds has decided to try something he heard about after going through Joe Rogan’s most popular podcasts. As someone who likes to jump on bandwagons or, in his words, ‘try something new’, listening to Joe has had James dabbling in multiple experiments, including intermittent fasting, trying to get his...

Kamikaze Boss Sets Pace With Round Of Margaritas To Kickstart Christmas Lunch

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A work Christmas party is hot out of the gates, after a lawless boss was spotted kickstarting the occasion with an opening round of Margaritas. At approximately 12:12pm this afternoon, The Advocate understands several ‘Woooo’s’ could be heard throughout the loft ceiling of popular french quarter restaurant “FireHound”, after company CEO Adam Bec-Bridge, started proceedings with a...

Local Intellectual Suddenly Develops British Accent After Having A Few Too Many Glasses Of Bubbly

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT A local intellectual has today debuted a cute and quirky trait when they were seen speaking in received pronunciation after getting on the turps. Jessica Cornish is alleged to have gone out with some workmates for Marksby & Jacob’s annual Christmas party, quickly knocking back glass after glass of free champagne before the bar tab ran out. Growing bolder...

Schoolie Seen Dry Heaving Into Agapanthus Bush Proves Fruity Lexia Does Not Make You Sexier

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT A local Sydney school leaver has tonight learned the hard way that Fruity Lexia unfortunately, does not make you sexier. It’s alleged Alicia Fitzgerald was staying at a hostel close to the city, where she and her mates had busted out the criss-cross tops and white sneakers to head down to the beach for a party. After lasting so...

Local Man Shows Leadership And Orders Pizza To The Piss Up Without Asking Any Of These Idiots If They Have Requests

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local man has drawn strong praise this week for his brave and stunning efforts after a day on the sauce.  Following a lunch at the pub turning into a long afternoon watching the cricket at the pub, Brisbane man Andy Thomas and a few mates decided to peel back to his place for a feed and a couple...

Outback Town’s Last Remaining Lefties Either Really Good At Laying Low Or Really Good In A Biff

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In the Outback Queensland town of Yawannagokun, there aren't many residents left who will admit that they miss Gough Whitlam. After years of free-marketing Labor governments and neo-Liberal Coalition alliances, Rural Australia doesn't actually need to explain why they don't enjoy singing kumbaya with Adam Bandt and Penny Wong. All they have to do is point to the millions of...

This Is My Ashes Says 30 Something City Woman, Reserving The TV Tonight

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT After a few days of hearing about the 5-day sporting extravaganza that is a group of men standing around while someone throws a rock at a guy in pads and a helmet, French Quarter woman Charlotte Hobbes has informed her boyfriend that it is her time now. With the Sex and the City reboot dropping tonight, Hobbes has...

Woman Forced To Stage Intervention With Friend After Being Sent 24 Tik Tok Videos In One Night

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT Local woman Tara Newton has today had to stage an intervention after growing sick and tired of her friend Renee bombarding her with Tik Tok videos. It’s alleged this problem had been building for some time until it reached boiling point, on a night when her friend clearly had nothing better to do than spend several hours on the...

Awww Cute! Chirpy Pommy Mate Actually Confident Enough To Banter About The Cricket

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In a lovely story from Betoota's Old City District, a local Englishman has decided to treat everyone to a bout of laughter this morning. Wrapping up a quick chat about some project, the Betoota via Bondi recruitment manager decided to tell his mates at work that he actually reckons there could be egg on the face in a...

Modern Day Sisyphus Stuck In Endless Cycle Of Putting Laundry On Bed And Kicking It Off

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT Local bloke Pete Hughes has today realised he has a lot in common with the mythological king of Ephyra, ‘Sisyphus’, who was doomed to a cruel and unusual form of punishment for eternity. A known trickster, Sisyphus had attempted to cheat death not once but twice, earning himself the ire of the king of the underworld, Hades, who sought...

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