Breaking News

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A local Dad is weighing up his options for a second dinner, after being subject to a disappointing new food trend, homemade Poke Bowls. Ravenously hungry and in dire need of a carbohydrate, it’s believed local mines manager Warren Warmsley (53), was last spotted secretly exploring the family pantry, in search of a bowl of cereal. The Advocate...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT An impoverished university student has called in financial reinforcements this week, asking his family for a full tank of fuel for Christmas. Broke, hungover and yet to squeeze a single piece of knowledge out of his $35,000 Arts Degree at South Betoota Polytechnic College, 22-year-old Aaron Wells has reportedly updated his family on his festive wish list. During...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As the end of another questionably justified year begins to worm it’s way into the history books, many members of humankind are understandably feeling a bit upset. However, that feeling of hopelessness can suck a chode for now as the downtrodden flock to Instagram in the desperate hope of boosting their mood. Once an app that stored pictures of food...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT There's some good news for Christmas Shoppers in Betoota Heights today, with revelations a huge batch of Fresh Prawns has landed at the local supermarket. After an 18 hour commute from somewhere on the coast, a few hundred kilos of the festive delicacy will be available at the deli for Christmas. And, even better, you don't have to...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT With numerous videos showcasing the demonic exploits of trembling balls of fury a.k.a, many have been left to wonder why the breed is popular, or why it wasn’t listed on the dangerous dogs registrar. Known for their beady little eyes, quivering bodies and gremlin-like snarls, chihuahuas are undoubtedly the angriest dog breed to exist - marked especially by a...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT A local girl is reportedly having trouble believing her Spotify wrap up today, as she didn’t think she was that basic. As someone who regularly listened to old bangers and the entire Bo Burnham Inside album at least twice, Steph Woods thought her 2021 wrap would show an eclectic mix of artists and genres, proving that she was...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Prospective homeowners are in for an absolute treat as the coalition government is finally doing something about record house prices by introducing the Religious Discrimination Bill. Coming out to rave reviews from religious organisations such as Catholic schools, the aptly name Religious Discrimination Bill allows religious organisations to fire employees on the basis of seemingly irrelevant things such as...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Central Coast of NSW has today issued a strong ultimatum to this new mutant strain that's threatening our freedom. The total number of Omicron cases in NSW is now five, with a sixth case under investigation. One of the cases was a recently returned traveller who visited a number of venues like KFC and Pizza Hut on the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After a stellar final lap in Federal Politics as the Health Minister who oversaw the most bungled jab roll-out into the western world, as well as the disastrous hotel quarantine program that was implemented as a way to avoid building dedicated facilities, it seems that Greg Hunt MP might be looking for a real job next year. Senior Liberal...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT A local woman has today grappled with an irrational sense of guilt, when they dared to ask a voice assistant to turn the volume up without so much as a please or thank you. It’s alleged Kirstie Beckett was sitting in her lounge room when the incident occurred, listening to a 70s mix while she typed away on her...