Electric Vehicle Manufacturers Win Over Rural Australia By Whacking On A Big Fuck Off Cannon
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact
Car Manufacturers looking to the future have today made a huge new announcement.
With the two major political parties trading blows and treading water on Electric Vehicle policy, a number of international manufacturers have gotten on the front foot.
A consortium of EV producers has revealed a new 'Fuck Off Cannon' feature for a designated number of Australian...
World’s Net Zero Targets Now Achievable After 50% Of People You Follow Post Picture Of Their Pet
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact
Finally, after years of fear and doubt around humanity's ability to save itself, there is some good news on climate change.
It now looks as though the globe may be able to achieve Net Zero, and not by 2050, but by 2030!
The incredible news comes after everyone you follow on Instagram posts a story of their pet...
Elite Athlete Shows Off Speed During Social Mixed Touch Game And Torches First Timer On Wing
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact
Local office worker Richie Carter wowed the crowd at Sir Joh Oval this weekend, after burning an opponent with his scintillating speed.
The Reserve Grade fly-half who claims he played rep footy as a 16-year-old, reportedly lit up a woman trying to mark him on the wing, showing a clean pair of heels to score in the corner.
The...
Take A Look Inside The Huge Hospital We Could’ve Built With The Money Spent Torturing Refugees
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact
The nation's Health Minister has allowed us a sneak peek inside a state-of-the-art new hospital that could exist, but doesn't.
In an exclusive sit down with The Advocate, Greg Hunt released images of what a brand spanking new hospital in a major region would look like, if we hadn't spent the money on locking people up in offshore...
Mum Welcomes Home Son With 40 Gallon Drum Of Spag Bol And A Metre Slab Of Caramel Slice
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A Women’s Weekly cookbook is getting a workout this morning, as an enthusiastic Mum prepares for the post-pandemic homecoming of her only son.
With pots and pans banging and several onions in an early state of translucence, it appears a Guinness World Record attempt for the world's largest Spag Bol is underway.
Speaking with The Advocate, local Mum...
Bloke Huffs At 15 Minute Wait For A Haircut In Front Of Barber That Waited 15 Weeks To Open
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A local fuckwit and fade enthusiast has displayed sheer arrogance this afternoon, chucking a tantrum in the face of a barber swallowed by debt.
Brad Oakley, a 29-year old labourer and long rumoured steroid user, decided to publicly vent his frustration at the prospect of waiting more than 10 minutes to have his buzz cut tended to.
Speaking...
Unprompted Child Informs Complete Stranger Of Embarrassing Personal Information About Parents
EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT
If there’s one thing local woman Brea Perry simultaneously loves and hates about working with children, it’s the ridiculous things that come out of their mouths.
From random quips about their favourite TV shows to nonstop questions about absolutely everything, kids offer an endless stream of entertainment - like drunk people, but smaller.
However, one thing Brea can do without...
RSL Recoups Pandemic Losses After Two Minutes Of Reopened Pokies
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
There’s no denying the recent lockdowns have been hard on businesses of all shapes and sizes (with the exception of the large businesses that made a profit due to JobKeeper).
One such segment that had to cease business entirely are the pubs and clubs across mainland South-East Australia who had to close their doors for up to five...
Father Of The Bride Treats Entire Wedding To The First Draft Of His Autobiography
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
The entire guest list at a South Betoota wedding ceremony have been made aware that the father-of-the-bride has been working on his memoirs, after having to sit through his 45-minute speech, which was full of irrelevant and tedious tangents.
His constant turning of pages on the written notes became excruciating for the guests, who know for a fact that...
Scary Colleague Confirms Whispers That He May Be A Serial Killer After Ordering A Large Long Black
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
An office appears tense in the Betoota Finance district today, as a new company hire continues to frighten colleagues with anti-social, cold-blooded behaviour.
After two weeks on the job at tech finance firm XeroTac, co-workers are keeping close watch of new recruit Adrian Campos and his affection for sadistic behaviour in the form of scolding hot, caffeinated...
