Politics

National Party Confirms 007 Pick Up Lines Don’t Work In Real Life

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The National Party has today admitted that James Bond related pick up lines don't work very well in real life. This comes after Nationals MP Andrew Broad resigned from the Morrison Ministry today as a result of 'sex scandal allegations' coming to light. The allegations came to light after a 20-year-old woman called Amy leaked messages and details regarding her...

‘Haha Wimps’ Says Australia’s Parliament

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The two major political parties in Australia have confirmed today that they've been very entertained by the events in the UK over the last 24 hours. Speaking to The Advocate a short time ago, the two party's leaders said there has been a bit of laughter about what's transpired in the halls of Westminster. Prime Minister Scott Morrison and Opposition Leader Bill...

Dutton Blames Democratic Process For Getting In The Way Of Him Being Way More Helpful

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Peter Dutton has pleaded with the country to scrap it's parliamentary democracy today, imploring Australians that he would be able to do so much more if he didn't have to muck around with all the bureaucracy. The Home Affairs Minister told Sky News earlier that parliament is "a disadvantage for sitting governments," and has now gone one step further and...

Barnaby Joyce Calls For Royal Commission Into The Carlton Ring Pull

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Barnaby Joyce is back in the headlines today after calling for a Royal Commission into a 'pressing issue.' Speaking earlier today the Former Deputy Prime Minister and Kiwi citizen, called for an inquiry into 'what the fuck's going on with the new Carlton Dry bottles.' The maverick MP from New England told our reporters that it was time something was done...

Shorten Still Walking Kind Of Funny After Being Bent Over By Coalition On Encryption Laws

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "I could sit here all day and explain why I backflipped on that but it'd just go over your head," he laughed. "But Jesus Christ! I'm walking like a cowboy today! " Opposition leader Bill Shorten spoke to The Advocate this morning from the comfort of his Melbourne home about the new horrific encryption laws that...

Dutton’s Eyes Glaze Over With Jealously Watching French Police Bash Protestors

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "It's not fair," he said quietly. "Why is the French government allowed to do that? Why can we be allowed to shoot, gas, bash and imprison people saying mean things about our government?" Peter Dutton reluctantly took time out of his busy afternoon of reading our encrypted WhatsApp group messages to speak to The Advocate -...

Peter Dutton Spends The Night Reading Through All Of The Group Chats He Got Kicked Out Of

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Peter Dutton has turned up at work this morning after a sleepless night. The Minister for Home Affairs didn't manage to drift off because he was kept awake at night by the appalling treatment of offshore detainees, or because of his role in completely and utterly castrating the government, but lay awake through the night because he was reading...

Australia Gasps As Politician Does Something She Promised To Do Before Being Elected

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australian voters are in a state of shock today, after Kerryn Phelps MP begins doing something that she was talking about doing before she was elected in early November. The independent Member For Wentworth is leading a push from the growing parliamentary crossbench to evacuate refugee children and sick adults from Manus Island and Nauru. As the former leader...

Morrison: “If We Have A Federal ICAC, What Will Become Of Our Coal Industry?”

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister has urged his parliamentary colleagues and to a lesser extent, the nation, to consider what would become of the country's coal industry should a Federal Independent Commission Against Corruption (FICAC) be established. Scott Morrison, who spoke to the media this morning out the front of a Southern Sydney Bunnings Warehouse, said that...

Senator Canavan Refuses To Explain Why He Always Looks Like He’s Had A Huge Night On The Piss

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Federal Resources Ministers has informed The Advocate that he would only like to talk about how many jobs the Adani coal mine will create today. This stance from the Queensland Senator came after he was questioned about why he always seems to look like he was three sheets to the wind the night before. "I'm not here to talk about...

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