Politics

Di Natale Studies Old Crocodile Hunter Episodes In Case He Needs To Save One From Katter

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Greens leader said he didn't mean to take any limelight away from the Deputy Prime Minister this afternoon but according to many in Canberra, he has. Richard Di Natale told waiting journalists this afternoon in the nation's capital that he's been watching and studying old episode of The Crocodile Hunter in order to gain...

Barnaby Blames Affair On Wipe-On-Sex-Appeal From Pub Bathroom Vending Machine

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce has reportedly laid the blame of his recent affair with a staffer Vikki Campion on his drunken decision to lather his neck with a wipe-on-sex appeal sachet. Popular in regional pub bathrooms and truck stops, the Wipe-On sex appeal has proven time and time again to be the number one pheromone scent. In December...

Albo Calls For Investigation Into Who The Fuck Keyed His Charger

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Federal Member For Grayndler, Anthony Albanese says he doesn't want to point fingers but he has a fairly good idea about who scraped a key down the side of his beloved Valiant Charger in the Parliament House car park yesterday afternoon. Dubbed 'The Marrickville Mercedes' - the Valiant Charger has for several decades been a popular vehicle for...

Top Secret Government Documents Found In Boot Of Abandoned Kingswood 20km Out Of ACT

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Just when you thought things couldn't get any weirder, another batch of documents containing five governments worth of secret dirt files have been found in the boot of an abandoned 1974 Holden Kingswood, just outside of the Canberra city limits. This comes just hours after ASIO agents have entered ABC offices in Canberra and Brisbane this morning to secure thousands...

Uni Communist Shows Off Che Guevara T-Shirt He Haggled With Peasants Over In 3rd World Country

KENT REGINALD | Trains | Contact A local University student who describes himself as a “total communist” has reportedly found an absolute ripper of a deal on a t-shirt with the face of Communist revolutionary, Che Guevara, at a small market in the 3rd world country he’s currently visiting to ‘find himself’ in. Max LePont, 22, has spent the last month and a...

Patriot Proudly Defends Actions Of Ancestors While Also Distancing Himself From Them

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact A local UPF member has today declared that Aboriginal people should be thankful for white people did to them, while also stating that he can't be held accountable for what white people did to them. Kai Blottrell (32) a local car detailer who made heaps of coin during the Pink Batts fiasco, says that he doesn't know much about...

Abbott Kindly Requests Media To Not Ask His Daughter For Her Thoughts On Australia Day

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Former Prime Minister Tony Abbott has today requested that the media please do not undermine his politics by asking his youngest daughter, Frances, what she thinks about having the national holiday on January 26th. In a throwback to the gay marriage postal vote, where Abbott's own daughter campaigned against his wishes to never allow gay people the right to...

Bill Shorten Appeals To Youth Voters With Belated NekNominate Video

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Leader of the Opposition, Bill Shorten has today made a bold attempt at winning over youth voters by posting his very first 'NekNominate' video - just 46 months after the brief viral trend rose to prominence. It is not yet known which recent Melbourne University law graduate working as an advisor and confidante of the Labor-right identity was behind...

Richmond Bloke Calls For Government To Deport African Gangs But Undeport Dusty’s Old Man

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Although Royston Saxon says that while he doesn’t feel safe in his community anymore, he stills adamantly believes that a deported man with well known links to outlaw motorcycle gangs and a criminal record should be let back into the country. “Come on, he’s Dusty’s dad for christ sake, he needs to be let back in” he told our...

Exhausted Woman Grinds Through Hostile Drinks With Two Alphas From Different Circles

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local girl has regrettably attempted to cross streams between friendships circles tonight - ultimately having to duck and weave through a skirmish of passive-aggressive comments being fired by her two besties. Jacqui had initially hoped that her childhood best friend, Liz, and her work best friend Carrie would get on like a house on fire. Unfortunately for Jacqui, the...

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