Headlines

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After the nation has been shocked to find ex-racehorses have been treated the same way as every other animal they eat, Prime Minister Scott Morrison has made a strong vague statement to anyone thinking of killing a horse. “Horse racing industry should know this is not ‘a go,’” stated the PM. “I do not mince my words - if this...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Social Nuances | Contact A local family is settling in for the long haul today as their parents prepare to take them through a few holiday snaps from their trip up to the Northern Territory. John and Wendy Sheridan took off on their road trip about 3 weeks ago, driving the full 30 hours non-stop from Betoota to the Top...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The sixteen different construction workers currently onsite at a local housing development in Betoota Heights have stood in awe this afternoon, following an unprecedented show of initiative and personal responsibility by a local electrician. The alleged, Sean Gleeson (25), was seen at approximately 1:54PM with a broom in hand. It is believed he was sweeping up some discarded wiring and...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report into some shit that has kicked off outside a late night Turkish joint has found that someone threw a kebab at someone, or something like that. It is believed that the airborne kebab was the catalyst for what then resulted in a bunch of strangers throwin' them. Betoota's Roma Hills nightlife precinct is well known for it's...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT High school teachers and parents around Australia are today in mourning, after it became clear that a good portion of this year's wave of senior students have likely destroyed all of their career prospects upon graduation. This follows the release of the newest reboot of the wildly popular video game Fortnite, which was dropped yesterday after players spent nearly...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Following on from the let down of the all-female Ghost Busters and Ocean's 11 remakes, fans of the 1980s Queensland say they are skeptical about the current state Labor government's reboot of the iconic Sir Joh-era. In this new production, the Queensland Labor are reprising all of the nostalgic conservative policy and anti-free-speech sentiment harboured by the majority National...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As the domestic football codes continue to battle for fanbases and TV Ratings both here and New Zealand, our nation's lesser-publicised but equally as serious inter-sporting rivalry has today reared its head once again. Following the 2019 NRL Grand Final, and subsequent off-season incidents currently taking place in Bali, a new official count has been ordered by the AIS...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local inner-city linen-jumpsuit enthusiast has excitedly explained that her kid has started wearing the exact same hairstyle as Greta Thunberg without any encouragement. Hillary Highgate, 40, claims she's had absolutely no input her pre-teen daughter's radical change in aesthetic. "She really loves the double plait!!!!" says Hillary with an undertone of pure ecstasy trembling in her voice during coffee...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT In a bid to help keep young drivers off their phones whilst driving, the Federal Government has today announced plans to outfit all speed and red light cameras with Instagram filters. Project Orange Duck, which is expected to cost taxpayers $174m, will begin in February of 2022 with a completion date of June 2024. Assistant Minister for Road Safety Scott...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A prominent local post-war retiree has today muddied the waters of political debate by being simultaneously concerned about a lack of free speech in society while also proposing that protestors be silenced. Bruce Abbott-Howard (69) says these bloody climate do-gooders need to be run over. THE BETOOTA ADVOCATE INTERVIEWS DEPUTY PREMIER OF NSW, JOHN BARILARO. He also feels as though...