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Ghost Of Sir Joh Tells Anna It Might Be Time For A Few Of The Activists To Start Disappearing

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As day four of the Extinction Rebellion continues to further delay the already laughably congested Brisbane CBD, both Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk and her complicit leftie in waiting Deputy Premier Jackie Trade are now looking at new measures to bring the protests to an end. Dozens of people have been arrested in another day of sporadic climate protests staged as...

Couple Without Children Smear Entire House In Yoghurt To See What It’s Like

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT A recently-married couple have taken the sensible precaution of smearing every single surface of their home with yoghurt to find out if they can physically and mentally withstand living with children. Longtime Betoota Heights residents Harry and Fiona Campbell visited friends and relatives with children to find out what to expect and then set out to simulate the...

Local Lion Doesn’t Concern Himself With The Opinions Of Sheep

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT John Mills, former student from the School of Hard Knocks, has bombarded his Facebook page with a slew of share-if-you-agree posts. The father of three had been quiet on social media for the past month but has since made up for it by posting ten times a day. This comes after a particularly bad run in with a...

PM Responds To Concerns Of Extinction Activists By Announcing Biblical Conservation Project

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Prime Minister Morrison has surprised the electorate this morning, by taking the time to address the worries of people that don't look like they vote for him. As day-four of the Extinction Rebellion protests continue to shut down the top-end of town, Morrison has revealed that he has ordered his advisors to consult with experts regarding government policy that...

Peter Dutton Begs Prime Minister To Let Him Xinjiang These Pesky Extinction Rebels

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT "I can re-educate these people for you" said Peter Dutton, in his awkward high-school-soccer-captain-at-assembly voice. "Just give me the old RAAF base at Ipswich and I'll set up a camp" The Minister For Home Affiars begins whispering in an effort to hide his excitement. "Just say the word, wolf" "I'll bring this pack into line" "Just say the word, my captain" "Please say the...

Nation Starting To Think It Might Be A Bit Hot In Brisbane

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australia is starting to think it must be a bit warm in Brisbane, as activists continue to relentless protest inaction on climate change in the CBD streets. This comes nearly a full month after millions of people, led by Swedish youth activist Greta Thunberg and students from Sydney to Delhi and Melbourne to London and New York, are today...

Film Snob Accidentally Enjoys ‘The Joker’ After Downloading Pirated Version Dubbed In French

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local film connoisseur has today made the mistake of enjoying 'The Joker' - after convincing herself it was a foreign film. This comes after the opening weekend of a new movie exploring the origins of DC comic book villain The Joker, which has left many critics divided. However, according to 24-year-old film student Candice Brontè, there is a 'big...

Turnbull Steals Show On The Masked Singer With Simple Plan’s “I’m Sorry I Can’t Be Perfect”

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Reality TV watchers across the nation were characteristically shocked as new reality show The Masked Singer dropped it's most economically-conservative twist yet.  After what was clearly a heartfelt rendition of "I'm sorry I can't be perfect" by Canadian noughties punk-pop band Simple Plan, contestant 'The Penfolds' was decided by the audience to be the one to publicly unmask or...

Local Man Probably Didn’t Have To Watch Every One Of The Weekend’s Sporting Events At The Pub

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local data analyst, Corey Letterman (31) is today starting to question whether he really needed to stay at the pub between Whittaker vs Style Bender at 2:45PM and the NRL Grand Final at 7:45PM. When you throw in the fact that he was at the pub on Saturday watching the Wallabies beat Uruguay as well, then it's not hard...

Kurtley Left With A Crook Stomach After Being Served Dodgy Prawn Tempura In Japan Overnight

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Wallabies fullback Kurtley Beale says he was initially “spooked” by a rogue prawn in Japan's Kyushu Island last night. The Wallaby has reportedly been experiencing a crook gut after being served a suspiciously pale and crusty prawn tempura at Oita Stadium last night. The incident is quite reminiscent of the 1995 World Cup in South Africa, where All Blacks players...

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