Headlines

The Betoota comedy scene is on high alert after a recent incident during a home-reno job in Betoota Heights. It is alleged that freelance chippy turned comedy tour de force, Leo Tognellini (55), redefined humour while working on-site with his brother but technically nephew Henry (29). “Oi Hen! Hen! Check this shit out!” exclaimed Tognellini while holding a power drill in...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Australian public have been left in a state of shock this week, after learning about a team of Canberra fly-in-fly-outs who seem to be actually worth their huge salaries. Needless to say, this particular industry is in no way aligned with Federal Parliament, but they are paid by the people they are supposed to represent, who hand over...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With almost an entire team of Canberra Raiders players making their first ever Grand Final appearance this weekend, rural newspaper's around the country are scrambling to document every vague association their town may have to this team of underdogs. Small town sports journalists around the country have been flat out crafting up autobiographies for the debutants of both teams...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | NSW | CONTACT Although Milk Crates have a multitude of uses, the humble furniture and self-defence item was originally developed as a means of moving milk cartons around, a new report has found. Local museum curator Elsie Cordoba, 73, has spent almost 2 years compiling the study into the origins of the multi-purpose item; with some unexpected results. She says while many...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As was expected, Horden Pavillion was chocka-block with glitz, glamour and Gore-Tex implants as the NRL came together to celebrate rugby league's night of nights. Also not surprising was the winner of the coveted Dally M Medal, Roosters fullback James Tedesco. Tedesco recorded 34 votes to edge Melbourne's Cameron Smith (31) and Eels playmaker Mitchell Moses (29) for the game's...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local Betoota retiree, Victor Stamolis (81) is reportedly not yet through the grieving stage of Virginia Trioli's retirement from breakfast television. The family of elderly former house painter say they'd been concerned by his recent reclusiveness and shorter temper for quite a while. After months of probing by his youngest granddaughter, Victor eventually revealed what was up. "He says he misses...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | NSW | CONTACT The infomercial industry is reeling this week, on news that famed “Before” cameraman Harvey Walterson has finally upgraded his wind-up black and white Bell & Howell Super8 camera to a new colour camera. Although largely unknown to the general public, Harvey has singlehandedly provided the “Before” footage for almost every infomercial filmed in the past 60 years. “I can...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Recent school leaver Tom Wells has decided that his first act of rebellion will be an ‘ironic’ handlebar moustache. Unfortunately for Tom, his piss weak facial hair has resulted in something that looks less like Hulk Hogan, and more like nan’s patchwork quilt. Though his face pubes have done nothing for him in the girl department, his mates...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The iconic Politis Milk Bar in Betoota's Flight Path District has been an institution of extremely strong coffee and $2 scratchies since the late 1960s. The family business is still run by the first Greeks to set up shop in the light industrial suburb, after landing in Brisbane from Kythira following the conclusion of World War II. Thousands of other...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Joel Brighton came down with the flu earlier this week, his skin has been crawling, his bones aching, but no matter what remedies he takes, he just can’t seem to feel better. That was until his dodgy mate Brayden came over to watch the footy, bringing with him some of the ‘good’ Codral. “Mate, no wonder you’re still feeling...