Headlines

CLAUDIA WEAVER | Arts | CONTACT After not yet receiving a job at NAB or Macquarie Bank, former Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull is beginning to regret his retirement from Federal Politics. Especially after today's news that the 2019 Archibald Prize has already been announced, without any Australian artists so much as asking him if he would sit for a painting. Turnbull's deep-seated longing to be remembered...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After being criticised by the Australian Press Gallery for not 'doing things' that they can take awkward photos of present out of context, Opposition Leader Bill Shorten has today upped the ante on his election campaign. This comes as Morrison's odds off winning the election shortened from $5.00 to $2.50 over the Easter/ANZAC Day long weekend. Political analysts put down...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Pauline Hanson’s vetting procedure has come into question once again today, after another One Nation candidate is exposed for for getting a bit handsy with women. The Far North Queensland candidate for Leichhardt Ross Macdonald is facing a backlash after social media posts were uncovered showing him groping breasts, posing with a topless woman and captioning a photo...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local longfella Pete 'Pistol' Sauer has today moved quickly to provide a more aesthetic average height to his group of mates. During a long-awaited boys trip to Longreach, Pistol and the boys were snapped by a local venue photographer drinking the novelty Pimms that were on offer during happy hour at the iconic Bird Cage Hotel - but...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In the middle of a volatile pre-election news cycle that has seen countless political scandals, mass killings and documented examples of highly corrupt environmental vandalism - the world has stood still today after a fast bowler from Launceston made the type of joke that is kind of expected from a fast bowler from Launceston. On Monday night Faulkner...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A new study has found that the age-old rivalry between Holden drivers and Ford drivers has been found to be nothing more than a hyper-masculine equivalent of star-signs. That's according to a recent report by Australian and New Zealand Guild of Registered Year-Round Motoring Enthusiasts Network (ANGRYMEN). Lead researcher Tracey Chapman says that after surveying over 10,000 of...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As the Coalition's odds for an election win continue to close in just weeks off the election, Labor have today encountered another thorn in their side. It appears the opposition's progressive branding as woke environmentalists is being tested over the last week, by the trade union representatives currently demanding the immediate opening of the Adani megamine in Western...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In an unfortunate turn of events, a local man has today had to come to terms with the fact that his ex-misso is undergoing quite a glo-up. Bryden Cartwright, a 30-something moron that broke up with his relatively long-term girlfriend because he thought he was a shoe-in with another hot chick he met at work, has been dealt...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local man, Simon Benson (21) didn't think it was possible to feel as bad as he does today. He says he feels worse than 100-years worth of romanticised Outback cinematography with unnecessarily tragic Indigenous subplots and always at least one sweaty old woman hanging clothes on a hills hoist with a lit cigarette in her mouth. It seems that...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Labor powerbrokers are today calling for all party members to keep their eyes out for the Leader of The Opposition today, after Bill Shorten somehow managed to escape from the broom cupboard at the Melbourne CFMEU offices. Bradbury was last seen going for a light jog in North Melbourne, sparking fear into the hearts and minds of the...