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Gold Coast Experiencing Shortage In Pink Stretch Hummers As School Formal Season Begins

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As Queensland high schools begin celebrating their year 12 formals, the 34 different bright pink stretch hummerzine companies in the South East Corner say they are completely booked out until after the Gold Coast 600. With exams around the corner, excited high schoolers across the nation are being treated to a little bit of glam before the studying begins. For...

Boring Middle-Class Murderer Neither Protected Or Framed During Investigation

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local Betoota-based murderer who made a few headlines before he got caught will spend the rest of his life in prison without any form of glorification, it has been confirmed. Beaudeane Mopp (35) had the eye of the greater Diamantina Shire for a while there, before ultimately being located and arrested without any signs of resist. Despite being technically...

Institutional Child Abuse Victim To Buy Brand New Honda Jazz With Government Compensation

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Following the news that Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull will deliver a national apology to victims of institutional child sexual abuse on October 22 this year, state governments are already planning their distribution of compensation to the thousands of historical abuse survivors around the country. The victims of child abuse in Australia's religious and state institution are looking to get just...

“Missing Summer” Says Half-Naked Local Girl

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local girl Angela Mathieson (21) is counting down the days until bikini weather, it has been confirmed. Her uncharacteristic 10am Instagram upload of her wearing very little in a bathroom selfie has been richoceted around social media, with both her male and female friends sending screenshots to one another. It is not yet known if this photo was taken during...

Okay, Trump Has Denuclearised North Korea, But His Silence On Gender-Neutral Toys Is Deafening

JAMIE HOTTAKE | Outrage | CONTACT As was confirmed several hours ago, US President Donald Trump and North Korean leader Kim Jong-un have pledged to work toward complete denuclearisation of the Korean peninsula while Washington committed to provide security guarantees for its old enemy. Fine. Okay. It's done. Good work, I suppose, but seriously... Are we really going to keep patting him on the back for these...

Now Is A Pretty Good Time To Buy Says Crypto Investor Living Back At Home With Parents

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local cryptoprenuer has explained to The Advocate today why now is actually a great time to invest in digital currency. The reasonably young man who has recently moved back into his parent's house in Betoota Grove, talked our reporters through why the Cryptocurrency Market is ripe for the picking. Jordan Fotherington (24), who used to...

Uncoordinated Footy Player Finally Makes The Leap And Signs Up To Refereeing Course

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT After an undecorated junior footy career, Phillip Hard (30) has finally bitten the bullet. The young plumbing apprentice from the Golf Course Estate has today decided that it’s time to face the inevitable, and as a result has signed himself up for a refereeing course. The Dolphins clubman, who’s played a few games of reggies this...

Turnbull Follows Trump’s Lead And Meets With Leader Of Enemy Nation To Quell Hostilities

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Following the news that the Wallabies are once again a competitive force in world rugby after their 9-point win over Ireland on the weekend, Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has rushed to meet with the leader of our enemy nation to build a healthy relationship before our next international match against the All Blacks on the 18th of August. "I...

“I Guess We Could Go To The Casino” Says Sydney Bucks Party Organiser At 9:30PM

After three months of organising, a group of Queenslanders have realised that the Harbour City might not have been the best place to host a bucks party. ”Bottle shops are open for like another hour” says the brainchild behind this weekend, Lee. ”We could buy s bunch of vodka and mixers and try and sneak all of us into the same...

“Today Is Your Birthday, Okay” Australia Tells Queen

Even though she turned 92 in April, Australia has decided that today is the Queen Of England’s birthday. And we’ve even given ourselves a public holiday, in most places except for Western Australia, even though they don’t have a holiday in England. We’ve also justified today by handing out odd kind of pointless titles to notable Australians, as a way of...

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