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Tight-Arse Friend Somehow Wrangles Name Onto Another Birthday Card

TRACEY BENDINGER | Boyfriends | CONTACT The girls have spent the best part of 3 weeks organizing a joint present for their friend, Cass, with discussions generating upwards of 100 chat notifications a day. Now, the day of Cass’s birthday, the girls are all gathering around to sign a card – a ritual that indicates the present is from all of them. After everyone signed...

Organiser Of High School Reunion Found To Be Masochistic Psychopath

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Future attendees of Betoota High class of ‘98 reunion have been dealt a hard hand this week as it was confirmed by law enforcement authorities that school reunion organiser Lindsey Carter (38) is a full-on masochistic psychopath. Betoota PD uncovered plans hatched by Carter to make the twenty-year high school reunion an absolute shitfest including a plans to read...

Boyfriend Puts On His Little Bitch Voice For Lunch With In-Laws

TRACEY BENDINGER | Boyfriends | CONTACT A generally masculine and confident sounding Betoota man has today shocked his girlfriend by greeting her parents in an unusually high tone of voice. “Hi Jane, so good to see you” said Hughie, not only higher, but more timid than usual. “Rodge, how’s things?” It’s understood that Hugo maintained this fake voice for the entire dinner, only momentarily slipping up with...

Local Woman Blatantly Crosses Personal Space Boundaries With Boyfriend’s Cuddlier Mate

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local woman, Janet Kingston (28) would never so much as look at another man, that's how committed she is in her relationship with her boyfriend of three-years, Jed. So much so that she doesn't even have a celebrity crush, or any ex-boyfriends on Facebook. That is, until Jed's 130 kilogram mate Billy enters a room. While an electrician by trade, Billy...

Report: Jakey Is On The Tune (So Leave Him Alone You Dog)

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by Jakey's greater social circle has found that he might be on here, so don't do anything that makes him look stupid. This includes shit-talk, or unnecessary floating around near him. However, the most important thing to do is not act like you know he's on the tune. The 25-year-old painting supplies specialist hasn't had a good...

Australian Overseas Shamefully Explains How We Lost A Prime Minister Who Went Swimming

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Living overseas can be an amazing experience for Australians to learn a language and make friends from elsewhere in the world. This has been the case for one worldly South Betoota finance professional, Clyde Milan (30). After taking a job in London in 2016, Clyde has been lucky enough to travel across Europe for both work and travel over the...

Bob Katter Makes Friends With Some Lovely American Blokes In Canberra Airport Bar

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT While waiting for a flight back up North to the Isa, Bob Katter MP has today made friends with some American blokes that have been working out of Yass. While helping himself to a XXXX and soda, the maverick Independent for Kennedy got to talking to a food and wine expert named Antoni. "I represent an electorate that's quite big on...

Security Tags On 700ML Bottles Of Bundy Offer Insight Into Suburb’s Socio-Economic Status

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT While Australians have always based the liveability of a suburb on the cost of property, the hysterical east coast housing crisis has now resulted in an average metropolitan house price of roughly around a million dollars, even in areas that are still quite rough. This means that even with two high-paying incomes, a reckless bank manager and two sets...

“This. Is. Origin” Confirms Rabs

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT In some breaking news out of Brisbane, the iconic voice of Rugby League, Ray 'Rabbits' Warren has just confirmed that This. Is. Origin. The Rugby League veteran who's seen it all, told The Advocate just moments ago that the game of football just about to kick off, is in fact Origin. Game 1 of this year's series...

Oh Fuck No: Mum Has Discovered GIFs

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Gibbs family has today braced itself for the incoming flood of GIFs. This comes after the household matriarch, Kathleen, discovered how to send GIFs in the family chat. She has since moved to sending them to each individual relative off-thread via text. GIFs have been a staple for many people with smartphones over the last few years as the...

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