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Twenty Minute Conference Call Provides More Human Explanation Of 50-Word Email

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Emily Gonzalez was doing her best to avoid pinching the bridge of her nose this morning. Not because her fellow IT consultant Ricky Heidelberg had done anything to grind her gears, but because they were both sitting on a conference call, with an external company, that could have and probably should have been an email. Gonzalez told us that...

Catholic Uni Student Gives Up Telling People It’s Just Like Any Other Uni For Lent

In 2018, many young people have opted to stray away from religious practice and it's age-old traditions. However, that isn’t the case for Melanie Summers who has committed something significant to Lent this year. Lent is an annual religious observance, where many Christians across the globe sacrifice, or give up things to replicate Jesus Christ’s 40 day journey into the desert. The...

Ice Cream And Milo Gets The Nod As Mum Acknowledges Dinner Was Too Experimental

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Mum's most recent crack at trying her hand at a completely new style of cuisine has resulted in a glorious face-saving climax, as she not only reveals that she bought milo - but also she bought some plain Vanilla ice cream to go with it. While her attempt at cooking a mango chicken curry can be passed off as...

NSW Government To Build Even Bigger Stadium In Suburb That’s Even Harder To Get To

NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian is reportedly experience her 'greyhound moment' as the tide of public opinion and party support turns on her plan to completely rebuild two fully functional stadium. After months of widespread dismay in and out of Parliament - and in and out of her own party, the Berejiklian Government has spent the last given up attempting to explain...

Former Corporate Jock Now Trying To Be Woke After Uneasy Transition Into His Thirties

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT When someone completely uproots their entire career and social life and moves to a lesser known beach near Byron Bay, it usually isn't that big of a concern. They could be a rich divorcee from the city who doesn't need to work again and likes the smell of incense. They could be an early twenties girl who transferred her university...

World’s Oldest Person, Nabi Tajima, 117, Says She Owes It All To Standing Desk At Work

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Following the September death of 117-year-old Violet Mosse Brown, the oldest person in the world, the title has now been handed down to Japanese supercentenarian, Nabi Tajima, who is also 117. Tajima was born on August 4, 1900, in the town of Kikai, Kagoshima Prefecture, and has had her age confirmed by Guiness World Records. She currently lives in a home...

Modern Footballers Urged To Be More Like Lote And Wendell

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After round one of the 2018 NRL season, one thing that is not lacking is on-field excitement. Golden point wins, big hits and interceptions were littered all throughout the exhilarating weekend that was. However, it has become painfully clear that, in an effort to remain fluid between transfers, many of the young men are lacking style and character. In a...

Victorian Proudly Opts Out Of Happy Hour To Drink His Weird Victorian Sized Beers

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Sunday night happy hour at the Lord Kidman Hotel was wasted on a prominent Southern expat last night, as he insisted on remaining culturally Victorian and making the bartender bend over to get the old pint glasses out. Across Queensland and New South Wales, the pint glass is only really popular with Victorians and other Southerners, except for...

“Pretty Quiet Actually” Says Receptionist Triple Dropping Beroccas In Office Kitchen

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The shell of Olivia Anderson (22) is trying her hardest to appear as though she is a functioning human this morning. Anderson’s weekend was hedonistic, like many other young millennials these days, and her body is paying the price on the first day of the working week. After discovering an empty kitchen, the part-time Engineering student thought she saw an...

Ch9 News Broadcasts Blank Screen For 15 Minutes After No Cars Crash Into Any Houses Today

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | CONTACT Cars crashing into houses, and the subsequent hysteria it causes, has been Channel 9’s bread and butter since the early 70’s when they copied Betootan journalists who reported on old Willy Tisk ploughing his HT Ute into Mrs. Freeman’s Betoota Grove 2 bedroom home - a stroke of genius that spread like wildfire and changed reporting as we...

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