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Report: High School Bully Turned Into Such A Fuck Up Lol

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact A bloke that everyone just assumed would glide into a professional sporting career, or some other role that demanded respect from nerds, has actually proven that high school social status is so very very irrelevant in the greater scheme of thing. At 28, the once legendary bully named Michael Harby who had the hottest girlfriend who he used to...

Bloke Who Only Listens To Pantera Boycotting Hottest 100 Again After Date Change

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT There’s no denying the date of Australia Day is a controversial subject for all that call the island nation home. In a bold yet completely predictable move that has angered many, radio station triple j decided to move their iconic Hottest 100 countdown from Australia Day. One man staunch in his beliefs the date should remain is refrigeration specialist...

Local Patriot Discovers Triple M’s Ozzest 100 Exactly The Same As Work Day Playlist

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As Australia Day festivities take place, men with something to prove all around the nation tuned into Triple M eagerly to hear a playlist they so far have found indistinguishable from the normal workday playlist. After noticing a gap in the market for those whose music needs were not being met on the anniversary of a cultural decimation, Triple...

Amazing: Local Psychic Accurately Predicted #1 The Moment She Heard #95

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT No longer taking place on a day celebrating white superiority, triple j’s Hottest 100 now only commemorates cultural superiority, with avid listeners around the country proving their intellect before their peers by accurately predicting song number #1 on the Hottest 100. This year, it appears Betoota local Alice Waters (28) has done it again with her number 1 choice...

Pub Glassie Filled With National Pride While Cleaning Vomit Out Of Urinal At Midday

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Young Ellie Wasson isnt having fun. . “It’s not the working that has ruined it for me, it’s dealing with the large number of piss filled patrons that frequent the pub on January 26,” she told one of our reporters today. As she attempted to smoosh schnitzel ridden vomit down the drain of the now clogged urinal, she told us...

Backyard Cricketer Drunk Enough For The One Hand Sweep

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT There was confirmation today that the way a cricket bat is held directly correlates to the amount of alcohol consumed by the holder. Recent findings from a study have found that a strong two handed grip on a yellow or green cricket bat, (mostly used by primary school students and backyard/beach cricket players) is a sign of low alcohol...

Colosimo Stars As Bob Katter In Political Thriller ‘3 Billboards Outside Of Mt Isa, QLD’

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Vince Colosimo is back. That's according to the early reviews of the newest Australian western-thriller to garner this much international buzz since Heath Ledger's Ned Kelly. The 51-year-old stalwart of Australian true crime is tipped to bring home the silverware in the lead role of Bob Katter MP in the Nick Cave-directed political thrilller 'Three Billboards Outside Of Mt Isa,...

South African Neighbours Have A Room They Don’t Want You To Go In

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact A new family of Saffas that have moved in down the street are finally enjoying life in Australia, after successfully moving their family's inheritance out of the old country via Great Britain. While the head of the household, Gough (43) makes remarks about how the changing political landscape of South Africa meant that he had to move the family...

Ashamed Brisbane Resident Admits That He’s Swum In The Brown Snake Before

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact After being pressed by friends visiting from out of town, Yeronga man Nathan Gravatt has today been forced to admit that he has actually jumped off jetty and swum in the Brisbane River, on multiple occasions. Nathan says it's not something he's necessarily proud of, and understands that he could have gotten very sick - but after a few...

Newly Hired Salesman Wondering How Long Until Bosses Realise He Only Owns One Suit

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact A local man who started a new Sales gig is desperately hoping no one at his new job realises that he only owns one suit, The Advocate can reveal. Gavin Phillips, 27, just began working at this upmarket tech company in the Sales division last week, and has so far spent 4 of the last 5 days wearing the same...

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