Headlines

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A group of local dad's in Betoota's inner-city have spent months detesting the fact that their partners and children feel the need to recognise and celebrate an obscurely religious American holiday. Halloween, or All Hallows Evening, as it is known by the religious institutions that created it, is widely believed to have originated from ancient Celtic harvest festivals. Halloween activities include trick-or-treating,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The rise of cluttered kitchen benches has been blamed solely on the iconic British celebrity chef, Jamie Oliver, who has for many years spruiked heavy duty kitchenware. A pestle and mortar is a kitchen device used since ancient times to prepare ingredients or substances by crushing and grinding them into a fine paste or powder. Most recently, the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Prominent members from the Queensland Nurses Union say that they are "100% okay" with their portrayal over the Halloween weekend, as uni students around the country find ways to sexualise frontline workers. "Even the Zombie nurses looked pretty hot" said one spokeswoman, Mora Morvfeen. "Not sure how they put those two together, but I guess because it's Halloween they...

In the recent wake of yet more Australian politicians being outed as dual-citizens, top economists and political commentators are speculating the most qualified non-dual citizen eligible for parliament could be former Winter Olympic gold medalist, Steve Bradbury. Bradbury (43), shot to fame in 2002 after winning gold in the men's 1000m short track speed skating event after his four leading...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT In a rare example of micromanaging, dad has decided to sit out on the grilling of red meat today, and instead opted to stand next to the Weber and essentially doing everything but holding the tongs. While you’re sure you’ve never seen your dad operate the BBQ before, chatting with him over the snags is like discovering a...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT In Central Betoota, reports are coming forward that local girl Rebecca (Bec) Lees is dating a man who can’t handle her at her worst yet simultaneously believes he deserves her at her best. East Betoota RSL bartender Merl Evers says the rumours are true, adding that Lees is dating town BMX biker Tyson Lewis, a man who could...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT After a long day at work, featuring an early start, late finish and a passive-aggressive office-wide email about the state of the kitchen, Ollie Murphy decided he was in no mood to cook and sought refuge in his local kebab shop. The mixed emotions didn’t stop for this 28-year-old as the kebab shop owner asked him if...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Contractors responsible for the National Broadband Network have today begun mailing out urine sample jars to frustrated Australians, as the failed infrastructure project begins to visibly take the piss. Millions of Australians will soon have access to the ultra-fast broadband that was initially proposed the first time anyone spoke about the NBN, before Murdoch and Abbott kicked around...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT According to local club promotor Christian Van Der Veld (32), Betoota's premiere nightlife destination 'The Nightspot' was host to some of the most beautiful people in the world over the weekend, who ultimately became part of the greatest moment in his professional career. After hosting his 102nd event at the colloquially named 'Fightspot' - the prominent dance club...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT An Australian visiting America has been very surprised that people don't treat him like some sort of demigod, even with his highly-exaggerated accent. 27-year-old Pearce Guerra relocated from South Betoota to West Hollywood several weeks ago for work, so far he's noticed that nothing is really different to back home - when it comes to his strike...