Local News

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | ContactI’ve got bad news for the renters out there: There’s only so many landlords to go round. Meaning there’s only so many rentals to go round. And with the rental crisis out of control, everyone’s grappling to find a solution to provide affordable rental options. But the solution is staring us in the face: Landlords buying more properties. Us landlords...

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | ContactOne of Betoota’s finest leasing agents has once again proven his worth to his landlord masters today. This time by successfully signing new tenants on to a 12 month lease that is $185 above the advertised weekly rent. Hugo Cunkle has quickly risen up the leasing agent ranks due to his willingness to ruthlessly sprunge extra money out from...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTJewellery stores in Betoota are on standby this morning after a local couple have confirmed that they’re in it for the long haul. Strolling out in matching pairs of black Arizona Birkenstocks, local Betoota Lakes couple Jess Eddington (29) and Jayke Carlisle (28) are reportedly so comfortable in their relationship that they’re not afraid to match their...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTIn a stunning display of culinary experimentation, local father Dave Johnson (60) has shocked his family and friends by ordering a coffee with oat milk. According to sources close to Johnson, he had always been a traditionalist when it came to his coffee, hoping one day to visit the place his favourite roast is made in the Moconna region...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactLike most of the straight blokes in Australia, Betoota Ponds local Dean Gilmore pretends to absolutely HATE MAFs. In fact, it’s virtually impossible for him to go one week without voicing his displeasure about it, making sure to add in at least one snide remark anytime he catches his girlfriend, Laura, watching the show. Opting to either mutter under...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTBreezing through their 2023 bingo, local renter Charmaine Keepin (31) has been notified that she will have to move out of her apartment when her lease ends in 30 days. Having to jump right back into the world of manic and soul depleting housing inspections, Charmaine is preparing herself for rental applications by preparing her references, payslips, blood samples,...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTBetoota man Jimmy Granger (39) has learnt that he has officially left his youth behind after catching himself casually nodding along to some jazz music. As a living thing, Granger has been gradually getting older for his entire life with reminders coming in the form of health ailments, grey hairs and things from his youth being considered retro. In previous...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Betoota dad Damo Stoker (54) is absolutely cheering today as he now officially has seven solid months of conversation topics absolutely sorted.  Not a fan of small talk, or big talk for that matter, Stoker often struggles to make forced conversation between his deadshit neighbours, who always seem to be out the back having a dart at the same...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA local bachelor has got his dog ready to mingle with one of those custom leash attachments that clearly states the name of his pup, thus making it easy to roll off the tongue of local dog park hotties. Like many young men, Cohan Gleeson (33) realised that dog parks are kind of like the real life Tinder, with...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The mystery has been solved! After days and days of speculation, the nation finally has an answer to the superannuation question that everyone wants answered. Not whether a change that effects 0.5% of the population is a slippery slope into communism, but who the fuck owns that superannuation account with $554 million in it. The account was the...