Local News

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local man has today played a fairly straight bat to some short stuff from his mates. The reasonably well liked without being loved Betoota Heights man named Kerrod Berrigan refused to answer questions about his upcoming European holiday. With a bing chunk of annual leave accrued over the course of the last few years, Berrigan says he's...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTAs popular real estate terms such as ‘Master Bedroom’ and ‘Servant’s Quarters’ continue to be phased out, everyone can agree that ‘Man Cave’ is a much nicer term than ‘Wank Den’.Usually appearing in the houses of suburban men with too much money, a Man Cave is a space specifically designed for men to do manly things such as...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A recently unemployed man has discovered the awkward joy of attending the movies during daylight today, as he looks for a way to fill the space in his day. Having recently been a victim of the blood baths occurring across the tech-sector, former app developer Jamie Warmsley (32) has reportedly realised that he’s got quite a lot...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA cold war took place in the Betoota Flight Path District today as a visiting tradie and adult son spent the day flashing each other dirties as they silently resented the other for being there today. Painter Eugene Rentak (54) stopped in at the Betoota Heights home to paint a kitchen wall, the cause of which answered the door...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Concerns for the wellbeing of a local mate have been abated this evening, after hearing the muffled sound of a TikTok scroll. Alice West had initially raised concerns amongst her housemates, after remaining unsighted for the better part of 24 hours. While she had sporadically reacted to messages, Alice had remained unseen since returning from a pretty large...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT There’s exciting news for the anthropology community today, as a group of researchers from Royal Betoota University confirm the discovery of the last known man-bun in existence. The Advocate is excited to report that over the weekend several seniors lectures from the social science department accidentally came across the ancient relic, which could be the last...

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | ContactIn architecture, elegance is an elusive concept. This is something recent graduate Thelma Amleth (24) has been grappling with lately. “Form, function, utility, grace. Each has their place, no?” Amleth offered our reporter while sketching a 3 storey commercial building façade in the art nouveau style on the café napkin in front of her. Synonymous with beauty and refinement, the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local father of three has today explained to The Advocate his frustration with the new government. Speaking to us from the coffee shop in one of the neighbouring cafes to our newsroom, Graham Wallis said he's already had enough of this 'virtue signalling bullshit.' "It's just too much," explained Graham. "I mean, publicly elected officials going out...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA woman’s golden retriever boyfriend has found himself invited into a space few straight men are allowed into, after his girlfriend, Lisa’s mates deemed him easygoing enough to hear all their dirty laundry. It’s alleged Kyle Preston had been scrolling through Reels on his phone when Lisa’s friends had come bursting through the door, letting out a series...

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact26 year old financial risk analyst, Crox Prue, was up until 2am this morning identifying and analysing potential risks that threatened the financial position of one of Betoota’s largest employers, Betoota Spam Equivalents Group (BSEG). Prue has worked for the food manufacturing giant for 10 years. His exciting work sees him keeping track of developments in the economy to...