Local News

Modern Journalism Degree Covers Correct Bachelor Recapping Practices

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTDespite the fact that most parents would prefer their kids get into policing or porn, many high school leavers are choosing to study journalism at university. Once a job that people just sort of fell into after the war, journalism is now a highly competitive industry where extension two English students compete for the scarce jobs like polar bears...

Dad Just Quietly Gets Up And Leaves The Room After Being Told Daughter’s Dog Has Anxiety

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local father of three named Graham Ozil has today asked The Advocate to put a fork in him. The request comes after the Betoota Ponds resident had his daughter confront him on a controversial dog related issue. "Mate, she (his daughter) just told me and her mother that we need to look after her dog for the...

Woman Visiting Male Friend’s House Forced To Use Washing Up Liquid After Failing To Find Any Hand Soap

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman has this weekend been horrified to discover that her male friends may have a little to desire in the hygiene department, after she visited her mate Paul at his four person strong sharehouse. Consisting of all blokes, the 27 Daroo street  household has a long history of being a sharehouse for both university students and young...

Bitter Scam Artist Who Didn’t Get Business Upgrade Lets One Rip On Way Through To Cattle Class

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A bitter bloke has decided to dish out his own twisted brand of justice this morning, after failing to score himself a free seat upgrade. Flying on QF125 to Auckland out of Brisbane today, local law grad Aaron Cleary appeared sad and sullen whilst receiving the level of treatment that he had actually paid for. Having spent the...

Local Woman Ready To Put On Her Little Sad Voice After Boyfriend Gets Much Better Looking Meal

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman has this week appealed to her boyfriend’s soft side after having a serious case of the food envies, it’s reported. Choosing a popular restaurant in betoota’s bustling french quarter, Milly Rogan made the unwise decision to opt for a fishy dish instead of her usual carbs in a bid to be more healthy - a...

Local Girl Lets Colleagues Know She Needs The Most Emotional Support By Lugging 20L Jerry Can To Work

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTLitres of sloshing water can be heard cascading through the hallways of KPMG Betoota this morning, as a local girl faces the grim reality of returning to work. Having spent the last five weeks living her best hot girl summer at her family’s beach house in Noosa, it’s alleged Junior Auditor Tara Elliot (25) is signifying to...

New Year Smoothie Routine Binned After Local Girl Lets Noxious Shaker Ferment In Handbag All Weekend

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA New Year’s resolution is in tatters this morning after a local girl has discovered the downsides of embracing a juice cleanse. Determined to break her poor habit of skipping breakfast and just sucking on a vape before work, local events planner Carly Spades (28) had reportedly vowed to kickstart her days in 2023 with a lean...

Being Attracted To Military Blokes Linked To Having Your Heart Broken By Softcock Civilians

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTCynthia Flugle (24) of Betoota Heights has a particular type of bloke that she’s into and it’s not the type of bloke who solves problems without violence. Having previously been unlucky in love, Flugle reckons she has cracked the code when it comes to avoiding future heartbreaks at the hand of common men who only wield a weapon when...

“The Beach Is For Everyone!” Screams Family Whilst Hammering Wedding-Sized Marquee Into Public Sand

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT Battle lines are being drawn at beaches across the nation this morning, as young families scramble to soak up another day in paradise. With the final days of the school holidays fading, it’s believed hordes of parents in every state have filled the boot of their SUVs with beach accessories and camping structures and raced down to...

Report: Is Every Fucking Month A No Drinking Challenge These Days?

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTWith the golden age of alcoholism merely more than a blur in the nation’s rearview mirror, a new disturbing trend may be taking its place, all in the name of a good cause.Following the success of the psychotic temperance challenge Dry July, wherein participants raise money for cancer research by abstaining for alcohol for a month, it appears...

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