Local News

Spicy Cough Isolation Forces Aunty Joyce To Start Christmas Day Drama With Herself

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Christmas is going to be a bit different this year as usual shit-starter Joyce Keiler (66) has come down with a case of spicy cough and will be celebrating Christmas alone. At the time of writing, spicy cough iso rules are a bit whatever, with most of it left to common sense, a resource Aunty Joyce reckons is in...

Postie Saves Himself a Trip And Just Waits For Local Girl To Try On New Top Before Returning It Back

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A local postie has been praised by Australia Post this morning for improving his workplace productivity. Beloved by residents in the Betoota Grove community, postman Pat Richards (59) has been delivering parcels and birthday cards to the leafy streets of East Betoota for the best part of a decade. A postie who remembers the days of...

Recently Revived Bowling Club Continues To Lure Millennials With Introduction Of $15 Seltzer Jugs

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT Betoota Stout is out and Seltzers are in at the South Betoota Bowls Club, as the old battered bowlo continues to lean into its recent dazzling renaissance. Once a treasured watering hole for leather-skinned retirees and families that need a cheap function room for a wake, ‘Southies’ continues to emerge as one of the hottest places...

Brazilian Backpackers At Park Having An Absolute Cracker Of A BBQ

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Silly season has put on a show today as a group of Brazilian backpackers started having what was described as an absolute cracker of a BBQ in a Betoota public park. Featuring 40 types of meat, 220 little cheesy puffs, and mountains of something called farofa, the group of 20 or so Brazilians carved out a little spot for...

Local Bushie Admits He Prefers Hard Gritty Slush Puppy Over Soft, Fluffy 7/11 Slurpee

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA service station connoisseur has spoken to The Advocate today, campaigning for the revival of the humble Slush Puppy. Standing outside the Speedway service station on Langer Rd on the outskirts of West Betoota, local Bedourie grazier Wayne White told our reporter that he’d love to see more Slush Puppy machines, instead of the fancy Slurpee contraptions...

Shut The Fuck Up: Non-Alcoholic Beer Getting A Bit Preachy

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT In a movement that has every Australian grandpa rolling in their graves, non-alcoholic beers have had a bit of a moment in 2022. With mid-strength always having a place on country tables, ultra-low and no alcohol beers have begun popping up like mushrooms growing in a puddle of late-night kebab chunder. According to non-alcoholic beer brewers, their ‘beers’ are a...

Woman’s New Year’s Resolution To Change Careers, But Actually This Time

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTWith January about to drop a hot summery dollop of sour potential on everyone’s tongue, decent humans are once again forced to talk about ‘New Year’s Resolutions’.New Year’s Resolutions are personal vows made to change one’s life, usually for the better, with common examples being quitting a bad habit or picking up a productive one.The idea...

Exhausted Courier Dumps Backlog Of Black Friday Parcels At Town Square For Residents To Sort Out Themselves

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A local courier has decided to embrace the concept of quiet quitting today as he processes the worst few weeks of his working life. Like tax time for accountants or school report season for teachers, every profession goes through a particularly tough patch that inspires them to consider resigning on the spot. For 46-year-old Startrack Courier...

Scientists Discover Direct Link Between Length Of Rats Tail And Ability To Double Tail Whip

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTIn good news for the nation's X Games fans, scientists at the Australian Institute of Sport have released some pretty hectic findings this morning, announcing a direct link between the length of a rats tail on a teenager and the ability to cut sick on a Razor scooter.A hairstyle often spotted at regional skateparks and local...

Are You Right? Mate Thinks It’s Okay To Just Put Their Feet On The Dashboard Apparently

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local woman has caused a bit of a stir today, by insulting a close personal friend. Tash Brady from a jumpy little terrace house in our town's French Quarter did so during a trip out to Lake Betoota. Heading out for a swim at our town's popular inland waterhole, Tash apparently decided to just put her filthy...

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