Local News

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA clever local woman looking to boost her appearance on the cheap has decided to not only opt to get her boobs done by a clinic that churns through 20 operations per day, but to get them put in one at a time - taking her original quote of $5000 (which was already alarmingly cheap) to a $2600...

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | ContactIt turns out that an experienced and well-respected financial planner by the name of Braxton Clamery Jones (38) has not been practicing all that he preaches. Jones is a sought after financial planner who often works over 55 hours a week offering sound financial advice to his many clients, and manages the finances of some of Betoota’s wealthiest.   He even...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Ask a celebrity chef and they’ll tell you there are no ‘food trends’ only culinary traditions that occasionally go in and out of style.  However, if you ask a food writer who is paid by the article, they’ll tell you there are definitely food trends and for $200 they will try to predict a couple with all the accuracy...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT With home ownership and retirement no more than lofty dreams for many millennials, new research suggests that young people are being priced out of even more of their parent’s favourite past times. Australia has the 4th highest excise (fancy word for tax) on beer in the world with 42% of the total cost of a case of beer being...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA once popular beauty salon in Betoota’s French Quarter has unveiled some bargain deals this week, as it looks to survive a dreary few months of bad business.The Advocate understands that the Swedish waxing studio ‘Bäksak n’ Crax’ has this morning reached out to its database of customers, offering a lucrative 2-for-1 deal on all leg...

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact It’s no secret that Betoota Grove, Roma Hills, San Diamantina Rivers and Pidgeon Parksvillecastlespringstonriverstown are some of Betoota’s most expensive suburbs. Their residents are an affluent bunch that take great pride in their illustrious post codes. Which makes sense considering that one would be laying out the eye watering sum of at least $2 million to pick up a...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA public safety alert has been issued for Betoota’s suburbs this afternoon, after reports that a local white boy is getting pretty amped up in the gym.Flaunting some cheap Kmart gear, it’s alleged local junior taxation accountant Hugo Harris-Cooper has hit the Anytime Fitness in Betoota Heights to blow off some steam after a big day...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTThe spirit of gossip lives strong as local shit talker Marcus McHugh (35) reckons an obscure celebrity he met once is an absolute fuckwit.As a plumber in a wealthy suburb where no one knows anything about plumbing, McHugh has a licence to print money, although he really does prefer charging people for his work efforts instead.Throughout his career,...

DR CHET SPEVENS | Finance Expert | CONTACTI work with clients who are in deep financial trouble. Sometimes it’s because they’ve been retrenched or they’ve had an accident and are unable to work. But usually it’s because their spouse has divorced them and their life has blown up into a million problems. But it doesn’t have to be that way for you...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactLocal woman Renee Howard is fucking done with her ex.After several months of delaying the inevitable, Renee had come to accept that she and her partner had vastly different communication styles and that no amount of workshopping could fix an incompatible relationship based solely on chemistry.And though her friends had grown tired of being a soundboard for her...