Local News

Colleagues Stuck In Escape Room For Team Bonding Ironically Feel Same Way About Toxic Workplace

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTIn disturbing reports emerging from Betoota’s downtown entertainment district, it’s believed a group of co- workers are being tortured this evening, as a psychopathic boss attempts to inspire some positive work culture. As music blares from a nearby ten-pin bowling alley, it’s alleged 12 employees from Circle Back Communications have been forced into a lifeless torture chamber,...

Best Friend Knowingly Plays Her Role By Immediately Airdropping Recently Single Friend A Stash Of Dating App Material

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA local Betoota woman is being praised this morning, for helping her best mate launch into a glorious hot girl summer. Gathering for an evening soiree at Betoota’s lakeside Italian restaurant, ‘Snottis’, witnesses say a table of eight local gals have joined forces for a charming night of Aperol spritz cocktails and giggles, in the wake of...

Hot-Shot Entrepreneur Calls Girlfriend “Babe” At The Start And End Of Every Sentence

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | ContactDill Fromps (27), the slickest entrepreneur this side of Betoota Grove, has continued on his breathtaking rise up the ranks of start-up stardom. The virtuoso entrepreneur’s meteoric ascension has been so incredible that venture capitalists are already comparing him to Aron Banks. Who that is and what that represents, the Advocate doesn’t know. But with Fromps’ latest start-up having...

Engineer Mate Slightly Odd

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA study conducted by Psychology Australia has determined that anyone with an engineering mate can agree that they’re a little bit odd, mostly by the way they respond to social situations and their dogged pursuit of always thinking ‘practically’ - which works well if you’re dealing with a machine, but not a human being. Characterised by their sharply analytical...

HSV Maloo Sitting On 101km/h On Freeway Must Not Have Many Demerit Points Left

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT There are disturbing reports from the Diamantina Highway Patrol Unit this week, after a local man has been forced to keep his prized roaring lion shackled to the speed limit. The Advocate is aware of several sightings of a juiced up HSV Maloo ute, moseying along the Birdsville Development Road at only 101km/h. Despite boasting a throttling 8...

Local Bloke Cops Torrential Rinsing From Mates After Returning From Melbourne Flaunting Cute Chino Roll 

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A local bloke’s attempt to appear more fashionable has blown up in his face this evening, after becoming the punch line for every joke sailed by his deadshit mates.After spending the long weekend visiting his girlfriend in Melbourne, The Advocate understands local industrial engineer Flynn Boyle has attempted to bring some Brunswick fashion back to Betoota,...

Local Bloke Suiting Up For Funeral Rocked After Finding Betting Slips And Stripper Cash In Top Jacket Pocket

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA local man preparing to attend a funeral has been rocked this morning, after the blunt realisation that his formal attire might bear the scars of activities not welcome inside a Church.Scouring into the depths of his wardrobe, The Advocate reports local carpet cleaning specialist Kenny Chalmers was suiting up to attend the funeral of Darren “Dingo” Edwards,...

Haha Farkkkkkkk! The Boys Are Rolling Up To The Formal On The Back Of A Ute

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some big news from Betoota Ponds this week, it can be confirmed that Brayden and the boys have made a serious splash around town! The extremely popular Year 12 Student at Betoota Ponds High and his mates have caused a major stir by rolling up to their formal in an EPIC ride. While some of the more...

Public Servant Grouchy After Running On Only One Lunch Break

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTService at the Betoota Court House is running slower than usual as public servant Timothy Greene (56) is more grouchy than usual after running on only one lunch break.An honest man who works a demanding nine day fortnight, Greene states he is passionate about his job processing summonings, affidavits, and a bunch of other things that our reporting...

Preschooler Who’s Seen A Video Of A Man Getting Shot Point Blank On Mummy’s Ipad Unimpressed By Magic Milk Experiment

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactStaring at his teacher with the glazed look of a prisoner of war, local child Josh Stewardson lets it be known that he really doesn’t give two fucks about this magic milk shit. Nor did he care about the coke and mentos, static electricity from balloons or flying teabags. Heck, he wasn't even that interested in watching how...

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