Local News

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA local man preparing to attend a funeral has been rocked this morning, after the blunt realisation that his formal attire might bear the scars of activities not welcome inside a Church.Scouring into the depths of his wardrobe, The Advocate reports local carpet cleaning specialist Kenny Chalmers was suiting up to attend the funeral of Darren “Dingo” Edwards,...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some big news from Betoota Ponds this week, it can be confirmed that Brayden and the boys have made a serious splash around town! The extremely popular Year 12 Student at Betoota Ponds High and his mates have caused a major stir by rolling up to their formal in an EPIC ride. While some of the more...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTService at the Betoota Court House is running slower than usual as public servant Timothy Greene (56) is more grouchy than usual after running on only one lunch break.An honest man who works a demanding nine day fortnight, Greene states he is passionate about his job processing summonings, affidavits, and a bunch of other things that our reporting...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactStaring at his teacher with the glazed look of a prisoner of war, local child Josh Stewardson lets it be known that he really doesn’t give two fucks about this magic milk shit. Nor did he care about the coke and mentos, static electricity from balloons or flying teabags. Heck, he wasn't even that interested in watching how...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTHigh school teacher Vincent ‘Mr M’ Matheson (40) got a pleasant surprise today when he told-off a student in his year 9 history class for eating during ‘his time.’The student in question, Miriam Crupp, was trying to give a piece of bread lightly smeared with Vegemite to the Canadian exchange student when Mr M intervened.Originally a by-product of...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA 33 year study by the Betoota Bureau of Statistics has concluded that almost all supermarket grade loose leaf tea is purchased in error.Originating in China in 2737 BC, tea is a refreshing hot beverage made from the dried leaves of a tea tree, often consumed with milk, on its own, or straight from the packet as a...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAs he feels the unmistakable feeling of soggy lettuce and mayo ooze trickle his fingers, local bloke Benny Burchard lets out a small sigh. The bottom part of his burger has somehow magically been demolished at an exceedingly faster rate than the top bun - and he was really trying to take some balanced bites this time too. But...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The reality TV community is in meltdown this week, after apparently learning that the construction industry can be a little crook. The shocking revelation came during the finale (which means final in reality TV language) of The Block, where some funny business allegedly went on in the sale of a property. Following a mammoth season full of bigger...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA group of women have today found themselves finding joy in small things after discovering they were all on the blob at the same time, it’s reported. Sitting in a nearby cafe from their workplace, Alisha , Renee and Taylor were enjoying an impromptu before work coffee when they made the discovery, as they took turns doing...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local man named Jordan Maher has today opened up about the toughest 24 hours of his life. Sitting down with The Advocate earlier today, Maher explained what happened on a fateful evening some 13 years ago, and why it's left him scarred. The generally well liked Betoota Heights fitter and turner said that a bit of excitement...