Local News

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA local Betoota father is paying his respects today, as he bids farewell to one of his most prized t-shirts.The Advocate understands local dad of three Ken Matterson (52) is demoting a fabled cotton tee, and laying it to rest in a dirty pile of greasy rags sitting in a bucket in his two-door garage.“Yeah I’ve...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTThe Whitlams can be heard figuratively and literally as Flight Path District pub the Lord Harroway celebrates complete gentrification after replacing pokies with dog bowls.Pokies, or poker machines in weirdo terms, cost Australians an estimated $200 billion each year.So prevalent are pokies in our society that almost all Australians can be divided into two camps; those who don’t...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTLabourer Sam McGrath (44) has a few choice words for today’s youth whenever he gets around to meeting one outside of a Today show comment section.Aside from what his selection of bumper stickers may suggest, McGrath is a very serious individual who reserves tough criticism for the generation that makes his life markedly harder somehow.“Millennials just need to...

DR CHET SPEVENS | Finance Expert | CONTACTAustralia’s millionaire club just got bigger, with Andrew Kent (49) joining its ranks after not doing anything fun for 19 years. Speaking quietly with The Advocate from the Betoota Public Library, Kent explained in a monotone drawl that it’s not so much satisfaction or elation he feels after reaching the million dollar milestone, but a...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTWith year 12 exams finishing around the country, many students are enjoying the twilight of their school years the only way they know how. Realising that they will soon be playing for points in the real world, the physics kids haven’t gotten together to take a jab at the biology kids one last time. “I heard the biology exam was...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A desperate groomsman is on the offensive this morning, as he hopes to hustle some new online dating material. After standing alongside his best mate last weekend at an extravagant wedding at Betoota Station, The Advocate understands local personal trainer Sam Parker has decided to take it upon himself to hurry up the team of event professionals,...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTIn disturbing reports emerging from Betoota’s downtown entertainment district, it’s believed a group of co- workers are being tortured this evening, as a psychopathic boss attempts to inspire some positive work culture. As music blares from a nearby ten-pin bowling alley, it’s alleged 12 employees from Circle Back Communications have been forced into a lifeless torture chamber,...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA local Betoota woman is being praised this morning, for helping her best mate launch into a glorious hot girl summer. Gathering for an evening soiree at Betoota’s lakeside Italian restaurant, ‘Snottis’, witnesses say a table of eight local gals have joined forces for a charming night of Aperol spritz cocktails and giggles, in the wake of...

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | ContactDill Fromps (27), the slickest entrepreneur this side of Betoota Grove, has continued on his breathtaking rise up the ranks of start-up stardom. The virtuoso entrepreneur’s meteoric ascension has been so incredible that venture capitalists are already comparing him to Aron Banks. Who that is and what that represents, the Advocate doesn’t know. But with Fromps’ latest start-up having...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA study conducted by Psychology Australia has determined that anyone with an engineering mate can agree that they’re a little bit odd, mostly by the way they respond to social situations and their dogged pursuit of always thinking ‘practically’ - which works well if you’re dealing with a machine, but not a human being. Characterised by their sharply analytical...