Local News

Local Hogs Breath Manager Confirms That Mouthy Little Garden Gnome Isn’t Welcome At His Restaurant Either

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact A Betoota Ponds Hogs Breath cafe owner has today added his two cents to the James Corden drama, by stating that ‘that mouthy little garden gnome’ isn’t welcome into his fine establishment either. This comes as apparent comedian/TV host James Corden finds his name dragged through the mud yet again acting like an abominable twat, this time for chucking...

Loyal Mate Exhales Heavily Before Blindly Reassuring Friend That Her Drunken Antics Weren’t That Bad

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAn unswervingly loyal mate has this week tried her darned hardest to reassure their friend that her drunken weekend antics weren’t that bad, but is allegedly having to dig really deep to come up with some excuses - which admittedly, leaves her finally able to make some use of her creative writing degree. Jen Knapton is said to...

Re-Emerging Bachelorette’s First Thirst Trap In 5 Years Met With Absolutely Feral Comments From The Girlies

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local hottie has this week been met with some very creative praise from her girlfriends, after formally announcing she’s back on the market with a very saucy Instagram photo. Kaley Fennick is reported to have broken up with her long term partner after naturally growing apart, and was going through somewhat of a metamorphosis as she adapted...

Gold Coast Wellness Guru Can Totally Relate to ‘Shantaram’ After Her 2-Month Yoga Course In Goa

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactGold Coast wellness guru Lara Amethyst-Riordan has this week revealed she knows exactly what fellow Australian Dave Conti went through when he fled the country to live in India, as she did pretty much the exact same thing roughly this time last year. It’s alleged Lara had binge watched the entirety of ‘Shantaram’ as she thought it’d be similar...

Marrickville Milf Torn Between Cutesy Cottagecore Aesthetic Or Goth Mummy

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local mum has this week found herself having a bit of a crisis, torn between two very different aesthetics- going full feminine (a.k.a cutesy cottage core) or taking a walk down the wild side (goth mummy). Chrissie Barker says she'd felt the sudden urge to reclaim herself by altering her appearance, as she was mourning her identity...

Local Girl Signals For Rescue Evac After One Night Stand Offers Water in Cinema Collectors Cup

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | ContactA local Betoota woman is planning a hasty exit this morning, after realising she’s had a one night stand with a grown adult that uses limited edition cinema cups as glassware.Staring into a bathroom mirror speckled with an unhygienic amount of toothpaste spray, local insurance agent Amy Clarkson is believed to be nursing a blinding headache,...

Mate With Cool Fake Tattoo Sleeve Makes The Most Of The One Time It Will Be Funny

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA harmless friendly joke is coming everyone’s way, as amatuer jester Blake Doorey has finally got his hands on a cool fake tattoo sleeve.Usually made from fine stocking type material, fake tattoo sleeves give wearers the feeling of having their very own tribal, traditional, or pinup tattoo without the cost and pain associated with getting inked.New tattoo sleeve...

Local Girl Starts ‘Operation Get Life Together’ By Buying Cute Soap Dispenser from An Instagram Ad

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | ContactAfter five weekends of consecutive drinking, Harriet Saunders has had enough.Rolling from back-to-back hens weekends into charging full tilt at a 30th birthday at Betoota Races, Harriet’s decided it’s time to straighten up and start taking better care of herself.Perched on the couch, mainlining three episodes of Heartbreak High whilst scrolling her Instagram feed, Harriet’s believed...

City Couple Horrified To Learn Regional Inbreds Buy Indoor Plants Without Woven Hanging Baskets As Well

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | ContactA pair of snobby Sydneysiders have been left mortified this morning, as they experience their first market that isn’t Harris Farm.After making the brave decision to escape their two bedroom shoebox in Potts Point for a weekend away, it’s believed Sydney couple Hugo and Samara road-tripped north to Wollombi in the NSW Hunter region.Managing to secure...

Local Woman Sighs As Quick Snoop Through New Bloke’s Bathroom Cupboard Reveals Half Empty Olaplex Bottle

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAs local woman Nat Lindon tries to scrub the makeup off her face using some wads of wet toilet paper, she finds her eyes straying towards the bathroom cupboard. And look, not just because she’s hoping there’s some Sukin facial cleanser in there somewhere, but because she knows therein lies all the answers. Some of which, she really, really,...

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