High School Teacher Goes Into Damage Control After Group Of Year 9s Find Her Burner Account
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A teacher at Betoota Heights secondary college is today dealing with a rapidly escalating situation.
The Maths/IT teacher at the local high school in our town's aspirational district says she's currently trying to get a handle on a group of unruly Year 9 students.
Deemed one of the worst year groups in high school due to their ability...
Man Who’s Not Good With Emotions Pats Mate’s Arm Like A Used Car Salesman Tapping Roof Of Old Civic
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactStaring at his mate Derek with a mix of awkwardness and fear, local bloke/robot Paul Starr finds himself struggling with what to do.
It appears Derek’s misso has pulled the pin on their six year long relationship, telling him curtly that ‘she just wasn’t feeling it anymore’, before promptly exiting his apartment.
And no, she didn’t care to come back...
Bloke At Dad’s Work Reckons His Mate Actually Had The Trifecta Yesterday
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A local father of three has taken time out of his busy day to call all of his three kids - and a couple of his nephews as well.
59-year-old Todd Parker has made sure to blow up their phones in the middle of a working day to inform them of the big news he's just heard, and...
Upper Class Dog Has ‘A Condition’
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTProving their pets are more important than your kids, the dog belonging to an upper class family has ‘a condition’.
After their suburb of Betoota Grove lifted their ban on dogs many years back, the Van Hadley family spent the equivalent of a small nation's GDP on a new four legged friend.
The pooch in question is a teeny white...
Society Returns To Disapproving Incest Now The Dragon Show Is Done
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA sudden societal change has taken place this past week as everyone agrees that incest is wrong again, now that the dragon show is done for a bit.
The prequel series to Game of Thrones, House of the Dragon reprises the same political intrigue, fantasy world and possibility for a disappointing ending as the original TV and book series.
For...
Breaking: Reports Emerge That A Single Lion, Zebra, Giraffe And Hippo Are Still On The Run
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
Zookeepers at Sydney's Taronga Zoo are currently in crisis mode, with the escaped lion saga taking a sensational turn.
It was reportedly earlier this morning that the Zoo had gone into lockdown after 5 lions managed to escape from their enclosure.
While zookeepers had moved to quickly assure the public that all of the lions have been returned...
Woman Who Contributes To Nationwide Ketamine Shortage Every Weekend Claims To Care About Horses
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactFitzroy local Rachel Durnham will be having absolutely nothing to do with her work’s Melbourne Cup activities today.
Nope, not even the promise of free champagne or a spectacular looking charcuterie board can sway her. And she’s an absolute slut for a good charcuterie board.
For you see, much like half the nation it seems (or in reality, city dwellers)...
“Aw You’re Calling Your Nan?” Swoon Work Colleagues Unaware Bloke Is Just Sourcing Some Tips
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A local bloke has won some cute points this morning, after publicly declaring he’s making an effort to call his grandparents.
After spending his formative years growing up in the NSW New England region, The Advocate understands Coogee based man Jed Dartin has mastered the dark arts of actively participating in the Melbourne Cup, without letting the...
“There Is No Substitute For Hard Work” Explains Local Real Estate Agent Driving A BMW
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact
A man wise beyond his years has today offered up some advice to those out there who are struggling financially in these tough times.
The 25-year-old arts graduate come DJ come real estate agent named Oliver Watson says he can sum up his advice in one word.
And that word is - 'hustle.'
"There's no substitute for hard work,"...
Katter Says He Was Completely Unaware That Anybody Had Problem With The Melbourne Cup Unless It’s Some Sort Of Intellectual Reaction To The Snobby Attitudes Of Those Patch-On-Elbow Blue...
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
With less than 24 hours until the Race That Stops The Nation, the same hashtags that once dominated social media before the pandemic are beginning to get traction again.
Namely, #NupToTheCup campaign, which has become the most recognisable slogan used by animals rights activists to protest the treatment of the most pampered animals on the planet.
However, as is the...
