Local News

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | ContactA pair of snobby Sydneysiders have been left mortified this morning, as they experience their first market that isn’t Harris Farm.After making the brave decision to escape their two bedroom shoebox in Potts Point for a weekend away, it’s believed Sydney couple Hugo and Samara road-tripped north to Wollombi in the NSW Hunter region.Managing to secure...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAs local woman Nat Lindon tries to scrub the makeup off her face using some wads of wet toilet paper, she finds her eyes straying towards the bathroom cupboard. And look, not just because she’s hoping there’s some Sukin facial cleanser in there somewhere, but because she knows therein lies all the answers. Some of which, she really, really,...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA local teenager has got a real taste of reality, and nana’s roast potatoes, by learning that her special birthday dinner IS the present.When Haley Blunt (17) of Betoota Heights was asked by her nana what she would like for her special birthday dinner, she never anticipated that the dinner would be the present.It wasn’t until after she’d...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTAfter 78 successful years of living as a woman, local nana Mirriam Smith has put her manicured hands up and said she has no idea what’s going on with nail polish these days.For some time now, Nana Mirriam has acknowledged she is a keeper of the old ways, employing the use of clip-on earrings, pink lippy, and fainting...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | ContactAn emergency summit has been called in a Betoota nightclub this evening, as a group of friends attempt to protect their bestie from falling for a bloke with a bad reputation.The Advocate understands that at 10:42pm this evening, a tribe of gal pals from Betoota Heights were seen dragging their best friend, Julia Edwards, into the...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactLocal woman Alicia Grimley is thankful for the humidity in Betoota Heights today. Ordinarily, she’s not one to appreciate it, if not for the absolute havoc it wreaks on her hair, but for the persistent boob sweat. But today, Alicia has been able to witness firsthand, one of the hottest, most sluttiest things a man can do, which is...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactLocal woman and dopamine addict Riley Vauss has this week found herself feeling a bit stagnant, having not made some sort of body modification in two whole months.  Torn between destroyed her already fucked hair by bleaching it again, getting another piercing or booking in for a tattoo she most definitely could not afford, Riley has come to...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAs former self confessed ‘fuckgirl’ Hayley Steggall taps away at her phone, she suddenly finds herself becoming acutely aware of the nauseating text she just sent. Who is she, and what kind of sappy fuck has she become? There is no way that she, little miss independent, just asked a GROWN MAN, if he’s had enough to eat today.  Ew. It’s alleged...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTAn owner of two X chromosomes just cut her way a little closer to womanhood today by debuting an absolute disaster of a self chopped fringe.  First seen walking into the kitchen looking a bit like a 1980s secretary who had just survived an attack from a bird of prey, Betoota Heights High student Arabella Court (15) debuted to...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACTA French Quarter mouth has today let off a distress signal. The SOS was sounded by the oval shaped eating, drinking and breathing cavity in the skull of James Roberts. The mouth reportedly let out a cry for help, after a punishing morning in South Betoota Polytechnic’s library. Speaking to The Advocate a short time ago, the local mouth explained that...