Clueless Bloke Suggesting Hiking As A First Date Has Obviously Never Watched A True Crime Doco
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA clueless bloke has today fucked up by innocently suggesting hiking as a first date activity, which is not only a rather streneous way to get to know someone, but also incredibly scary for a woman.
It’s alleged Chris Hayes had gotten out of a long term relationship a few months ago when he decided to take the...
Groom Getting Suit Measurements Swears He’ll Have Bigger Pipes On Wedding Day
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTFinally being treated like a true gentleman, groom-to-be Warren Henley (30) went to a bespoke tailor-made suit shop that churns out thousands of suits to blokes like him every month.In just six months time, Henley will be marrying the love of his life in a wonderful ceremony that will hopefully be far away so his family won’t be...
Uncultured Swine With The Tastebuds Of A Child Describes Choc Mint As ‘Toothpaste Flavoured’
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman has today gotten in an argument with a coworker, after a pleasant chat about food devolved into a slew of character assassinations.
It’s alleged Freya Ford was killing time by asking colleagues inane questions about their food preferences, including best Arnotts biscuits and which Shapes flavour was the superior option.
Despite having a few disagreements on...
Local Man Uses Tongs To Individually Turn Over Each Chip On The Baking Pan Like He’s Performing Surgery
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | ContactA Betoota Heights man has shrugged off accusations that he takes making hot chips at home a bit too seriously, telling The Advocate that there’s a method to his so-called madness.
One-by-one, Green Road electrician Kasey Steele turns his chips over on the baking dish as per the instructions on the bag.
He says you don’t need anything fancy, like...
Boomer Journo Passes Out From Blood Rushing To Penis After 21-Year-Old Buys A Home – On Her Own*
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Sydney Morning Herald journalist has this morning been rushed to hospital after his neighbour, Valerie Trickett, informed him that her 21 year old granddaughter had just bought her own house - without ANY help from the bank of mum and dad.
Barely containing the half chub already forming in his chinos, Ian Hopkins was seen excitedly tapping...
30-Year-Old Informed By Plucky Youngster That ‘She Looks So Young!’ For Someone Whose Face Should Be Sliding Off Like A Slow Cooked Pork Rib
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAccording to every person she meets in their early twenties, local woman Leana Fuller looks good for her age!
Which she finds an odd thing to hear, seeing as thirty is not old at all. But after copping yet another ‘you look so young’, followed by a ‘I hope I look good at your age’, Leana has been...
Hyperactive Uncle Scales Back On His Cycling Obsession To Focus On Researching The War In Ukraine
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Uncle Kenno has made the radical decision to only hit the wide open road on his graphite road bike 6 times a week moving forward, as opposed to his usual 12 times a week.
As the hyperactive uncle of his family, Big Kenno has become well known for his inability to sit still and simply take part in new...
Bloke Marrying Interior Designer Allowed To Pick Colour Of Wedding Table Undersides
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA groom-to-be has found out he’s involved in his wedding too as his graphic designer fiance has allowed him to pick the colour of the wedding table undersides.With their wedding six months away, the couple are officially at the ‘oh what the fuck is it now’ stage of wedding planning but luckily bride-to-be Sarah Remayne (30) has a...
New Generation Refuses To Work
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTThe results are in and the so called ‘Generation Alpha’ are the absolute worst members of the workforce yet, with as many of 100% of them unable to find gainful employment.Born between 2010 and 2024, Generation Alpha are amongst the most immature and infantile of workforce members with many needing constant hand holding and assistance in the most...
Local Dad Equally Proud And Angry After Teenage Son Starts Lifting Beers from Garage Mini-Fridge
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A local father is struggling to discipline his son this afternoon, after discovering he’s been partaking in some underage drinking.After arriving home from a 10-hour day pouring concrete at the new high school construction site in Betoota Ponds, local Dad Gerald Huntington (45) made a beeline for his cherished “man-cave”, a small 2m x 2m corner of...
