Local News

Retired Shredder Sneers At Kids In Pub Car Park Trying To Nail A Variable Heel Flip Without Landing Both Feet Over The Wheels

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local powder-coater, Don Rockdale (41) has today been presented with the rare opportunity to know what he's talking about. After an early knock off from the mid-morning shift at Betoota's Powder And Respray Centre, Don joined his workmates for a tipple down at the Flight Path Tavern on Daroo street. As the afternoon wore on, the big fella found himself...

Local Mum Upgrades Phone Case To An Even Bigger One Like A Hermit Crab Exchanging Its Shell

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local mum has this week determined that her stupidly large phone case is not large enough, and has since traded it in for a phone case that’s so big, it looks like a diary. Paired with an oversized bag that’s often filled to the brim with receipts, Tracey Munne has managed to stuff all 17 cards into...

Hospo Turned Office Worker Learns Hard Way That Sexually Charged Workplace Flirting No Longer Acceptable

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA woman who worked in a bar all throughout her uni course has unfortunately this week learned the hospo world operates very differently from the standard 9 to 5…in more ways than one. Alice McCall is said to have just completed her degree in marketing when she landed an entry level position at an agency, which offered the...

Train Passengers Forced To Smile At Toddler Annoying The Fuck Out Of Them

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTPassengers on a Betoota Rail train are unsure how to look at themselves in the mirror now after an incident earlier today.At approximately 10:30am, public transport menace Lillian Keary (2) was seen stomping about on the aisle of a train, dropping Dunkaroos on the floor, and practising what witnesses described as a scream that could be used in...

Report: Mum Swears She Already Told You This Life Changing News

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTIn breaking news (if you going to be all sensitive about it), mum swears up and down that she already told you this piece of life changing news that has you curled up on the floor wondering where the fuck you go from here.As a recently appointed 30-year-old, Lavender David claims she is staring down the barrel of...

“My Phone Battery Is Fucked” Says Mate With ADHD Who Doesn’t Leave The Fucking Thing Alone

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local man who goes through iPhones quicker than running shoes is today complaining to anybody who'll listen that his phone battery is fucked and won't hold much charge anymore. There are people in North Korean hard labour camps that have an easier job than John Dollarhyde's mobile phone. From the moment the 37-year-old wakes up...

Local Woman Watches In Awe As Friend Seamlessly Chucks Hair Into Bun Without A Single Road Bump

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman has today had a glimpse into what it must be like to be one of the chosen people, after witnessing her friend chuck her into a bun without a single road bump. Though this phenomenon would be considered unpressworthy to the average bloke, the act of being able to do the flip hair into a bun...

Cody Simpson Becomes Most Successful Musician/Athlete Since Brett Lee’s Foray Into Bollywood

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT Popular Gold Coast man Cody Simpson has this week achieved an incredible feat, jumping from the deep end of the music industry into the deep end of a swimming pool. The successful pop star has this week bagged himself a Gold medal at the Commonwealth games. This comes nearly a decade since he started dropping bangers and collabs...

Local Bloke Agrees To Take Part In Nightclub Brawl After Spotting Hectic Older Cousin Up The Back

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Patrons were treated to some old fashioned windmilling on the dance floor of one of Betoota's premiere nightlife venues in the early hours of Sunday morning, it has been confirmed. In the heart of the Old City District, 'Luhrmann's Lounge' has been the go-to spot for late night revellers for over 30 years, and judging by the weekend's brouhaha...

Local Woo Girl Puzzled As To How Boyfriend Can Just Have An Individual Can Of Beer With His Meal

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woo girl has this week had to reconsider her relationship with alcohol, after finding herself feeling genuinely perplexed by her boyfriend’s casual drinking habits. Steph Gilmore tells The Advocate that she and her partner Greg were having a pub lunch at the Shifty Hen, when he ordered a can of beer alongside his parmi. Knowing that they...

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