Albanese Turns Up At Parliament To Face Another Morning Of Soft Balls Thrown Up By Scotty
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT
The nation's no longer new Prime Minister has today revealed to The Advocate the golden week he's enjoying.
After beginning to face a few questions about the bigger issues, Anthony Albanese says he's been basking in the glory of the Side Hustle Scotty Saga.
"It's been a gift from god," said Albanese, twirling his bat before walking out...
Husband’s Clean Out Thwarted By Discovery Of Old Sega Master System
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA miracle has taken place today as local husband Steven Pyne (46) has begun clearing out the bric-à-brac he has accumulated over ten years in the spare room, guest room, and garage.After a successful hour which involved a tearful farewell to a stack of original print Ralph magazines, wife Patricia Pyne (47) was disappointed to see...
“You’ve Wasted Another Year Of Your Life,” Says Supermarket By Starting To Stock Mince Pies
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Walking into the Old City District's Kellett's Gunsmith & Grocers on Market Street and the many things that catch the eye will say that winter is ending and the spring is starting.
After a rained-out winter spring is expected to be just as catastrophically depressing and sad for everyone in town as winter was
Nevertheless, the...
School Reunion Deemed A Waste Of Time As Woman Fails To Uncover Any Life Changing Gossip
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactWhen local woman Laura Stanmore had rapidly clicked ‘yes’ to her school reunion, it hadn’t been from the goodness of her heart.
In fact, though she’d quite liked the people of her grade, she hadn’t really felt the need to keep close tabs on anyone, save for the few late Instagram scrolls playing her favourite depressing game - who’s...
Flakey Dad On Group Holiday Taking Campfire Way Too Seriously
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTJust when you thought a group camping trip could not get anymore tedious, local flakey dad Turren Ermine (44) has reportedly begun taking the campfire way too seriously.Originally planned as an old boys camping trip, the weekend away in the scenic channel country quickly became a family affair when Ollie couldn’t find anyone to watch his kids and...
Bloke Taking A Break From The Sauce Can’t Believe How Fucking Long Friday Nights Are
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
With 2022 basically two-thirds of the way done, local piss-cutting legend Joel Schmid (38) is giving himself a break from the booze so that he doesn’t have to commit to a dry 2023.
According to Schmid, cutting down on the booze has been easier than he thought considering that non-alcoholic beers have dug an unAustralian foothold into the market.
However,...
Local Cafe Applauds As Brief Glare From Bullmastiff Shuts Up Yappy Pomeranian
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTPatrons of a French Quarter cafe are praising the work of an English Bullmastiff this morning, after it managed to restore law and order to the animal kingdom.The Advocate understands at approximately 8:42am, tables were packed at Shiba Inu, a Japanese-French inspired brunch destination, renowned for it’s yuzu breakfast cheesecakes.Filled with many of Betoota’s graphic design...
Terror Alert! Council Receives Suspicious Envelope Filled With Nothing But Positive Feedback
RORY SALAZAR | Finance | CONTACT
The Diamantina Shire Council has today barely avoided catastrophe.
This comes as Council officer, Wendy Mitchell (58), who works in the large Customer Complaints and Dispute Resolution Unit that sits within the larger Community Frustration and Lack of Services Department of Council, opened a suspicious envelope and set off a cascade of inescapable events.
Reports confirm that the envelope was...
Advice Column | Using Money As A Tool To Feel Better Than Other People
DR CHET SPEVENS | Finance Expert | Contact
Sitting on your yoga ball at your desk, do you ever glance at your peers with envy and wonder if their pay packet is bigger than yours?
Do you doubt whether you’ve got the average savings amount in your Super for your age cohort?
I know I do.
Sadly, many Australians suffer poor self-confidence from fixating on the negative...
Neighbours Juicy Argument Ruined By Their Crying Child
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Apartment dwellers in Betoota’s Flight Path District got more than they bargained for as they pressed their ears against their doors and tuned in to their new neighbours juicy sounding argument.Residents of the red brick Burlap Gardens apartment block report hearing the sound of a man and a woman arguing at approximately 6:45pm, an ideal time for those...
